- Michael: When you spend your entire life keeping it a secret - who you really are - you learn to stop trusting people and it becomes second nature.
- Ted Schmidt: Are you out of your mind? Guys like us do not turn down guys like him! You have acted like flagrant violation of the entire gay social structure. They're going to vote you out of the brotherhood.
- Brian Kinney: Meet my latest trick.
- [the camera zooms down, so a a teddy bear dressed up in a leather is visible]
- Melanie Marcus: I didn't know you were into bears. I thought you preferred the young, hairless, not-admitted-without-a-parent-or-guardian type.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Ted, have you ever asked yourself: 'Is going to tea-dances with Brian and having indiscriminate sex with countless strangers is really the life I want?'
- Ted Schmidt: I have. And the answer is, you bet your ass it is.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Have you ever wondered yourself, 'Is this the life God wants for me?'
- Ted Schmidt: Well, I suppose in his infinite wisdom, he decided that somebody had to live in Pittsburgh.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Have you ever wondered 'Is there a better life?
- Ted Schmidt: Yeah, I could have a ten-inch dick and look like him.