- Tanner: Diffy! Are you gonna make me look like a jerk again today?
- Phil Diffy: Please. That's like trying to make Shaquille O'Neal look tall. He can do it on his own.
- Keely Teslow: Ta-dow!
- Debbie Berwick: [to Pim as her conscience] I'm your conscience!
- Pim Diffy: Don't have one. Wrong house.
- Keely Teslow: Tanner, you can't show that video of Phil!
- Tanner: Oh, so this is what it's about? Look, Keely, ever since I broke up with you, Phil's been trying to get payback. Now he's the one that's gonna be paying and I'm the one that's gonna be... backing!
- Crash: [to Tanner] Remember last week at the zoo when the lamb licked your face and we had to buy you ice cream to get you to stop crying?