Peep Show (TV Series)

Local Zero (2004)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Mark has just seen himself on the local news being falsely shown as a lager-swilling yob] 

  Nancy : Mark, don't worry. These things, they happen for a reason. It might not seem like there's a plan, but there is a plan.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, right. You believe in a god, do you?

  Nancy : Yes, I do. And you might find it a comfort at a time when...

  Mark Corrigan : [looking through the phone book]  Nancy, there's no evidence for God, whereas Ofcom has published guidelines.

  Nancy : So does God. It's called the Bible.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, yes, the Bible. And I wonder what the Bible's view is on you doing it in the shower and the garden centre and up the bum. I mean, that's alright, is it? That's in the Bible, is it? Or do you think maybe that's NOT in the Bible?

  Jeremy Usborne : Mark!

  [to Nancy] 

  Jeremy Usborne : I'm sure it is in the Bible, somewhere. Probably in Corinthians, there's a load of weird shit in there.

• Jeremy Usborne : I love the homeless, one of my own would be amazing. I could look after him. Not like a Tamagotchi... better.

• Jeremy Usborne : [in bed with Nancy]  Sometimes I'd like to die and climb inside you.

• Nancy : Look, obviously God wanted us to enjoy ourselves, that's why he invented pills and clubs and lube and hardcore. But he also wanted us to give something back, and that's why he created the homeless, the lepers and the oil spills.

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  God, suck up to God.

  [to Nancy] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Nancy, listen. The only reason that I don't go to church is that, to me, everything's a church. This room is my church. The hall is my church. Costcutters is a bloody cathedral.

  Nancy : That's really nice, Jeremy. It's just not true, is it?

• Nancy : [watching the news]  Bad news, bad news, bad news. Jesus, Jeremy, one bus crash. What about all the buses that made it safely to their destinations, huh?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah! Yeah, this is such bullshit.

  Mark Corrigan : Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate list of all the events that have occurred the world over during the day. That would be good. Except of course, it would take forever!

• Nancy : Hey, where's Nim?

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, Nim's gone.

  Nancy : Where?

  Jeremy Usborne : He's fine. Mark chucked him out.

  Nancy : Jesus, Jeremy! Poor Nim! Where exactly is Nim?

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, Nim, Nim, Nim, Nim, Nim, fucking Nim! Look, if you love Nim so much, why don't you go and find him and screw him!

• Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  What's so great about sex anyway? It's all the mind. Her soft skin is just a big bag full of kidneys and mucus and half-digested bits of pie. I bet she's got really nice kidneys. Oh yeah, I'd fuck those kidneys real good.

• [working at a soup kitchen, Jeremy jealously watches Nancy talking to Nim] 

  Vegetarian Homeless Man : Excuse me, is there a soup without meat?

  Jeremy Usborne : Listen, mate, beggars can't be choosers, all right?

  [he slops soup into the homeless man's bowl, splashing him] 

• Jeremy Usborne : Oh, Nancy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Come back! Oh, please! I'm dying here. Just... touch it! Blow on it! You can use a tea towel!