The Office (TV Series)

The Quiz (2001)

Mackenzie Crook: Gareth Keenan

Quotes 

• [Arguing over the quiz result and request for a rematch] 

  Chris Finch : Right, I will throw anything you choose over this building. If I do it, we win the quiz. Right?

  David Brent : Yeah, so you choose anything. If he can throw it over, we've won the champagne. And that's it. And that's the real quiz. Choose one thing.

  Ricky : You really are a couple of sad little men, aren't you?

  Gareth : Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you ever done?

• [Dawn and Tim are getting a laugh out of pretending Gareth is gay] 

  Tim : We were wondering if a military man like you, a soldier, er, could you give a man a lethal blow?

  Gareth : If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, if he was attacking me.

  Tim : What if he was coming, really hard?

  Gareth : Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah.

  Dawn : And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke, or could you take a man from behind?

  Gareth : Either ways easy.

  Dawn : So you could take a man from behind?

  Gareth : Yeah.

  Dawn : Lovely.

• David Brent : If someone's, ehm, unlucky you go: I'm not saying he's unlucky, but if he fell into a barrel of tits, he'd come up sucking his own thumb.

  [giggles] 

  David Brent : Bit naughty, huh?

  Gareth : Suck tits? I thought you sucked knobbs.

  David Brent : Do ya?

  [more high-pitched giggles] 

• [David, Gareth and Tim are discussing catchphrases] 

  Gareth : What ones are yours that I use?

  David Brent : Same shit, different day, that's mine. Exsqueeze me, instead of excuse me.

  Tim : Wank you very much.

  David Brent : Yeah, I invented that.