Norm (TV Series)
Norm vs. the Sacrifice (2000)
Max Wright: Max Denby
Quotes
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Max Denby : Hey, Norm, ah, you know, in order to get some respect from everybody around here, I think it would be a very good idea if I could start each morning with ah, ah compliment from you.
Norm Henderson : All right, sir, well, ah... ah, let me think...
[scratches his head]
Norm Henderson : Ah, well, compared to Hitler, sir...
Max Denby : [cuts him off, waving his hands "no"] Ah! Ah!
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Tony DiBenedetto : Ow! Hey! Look at this guy!
[picking up Wiener Dog]
Tony DiBenedetto : Hey, hey! How you doing there little fella? Huh? Hey
[to Denby]
Tony DiBenedetto : I hear you hired someone with no thumbs and three-inch legs. I'm glad we're finally hiring the disabled around here. So, ah, where is this courageous mess?
[kissing and hugging the dog]
Norm Henderson : Well, ah, right now you're sexually harrassing him, sir.
Tony DiBenedetto : The dog? You dumb huckleberry! Don't tell me you hired a god!
Max Denby : Well, I-I-I-I-I didn't know he was a dog at the time.
Tony DiBenedetto : Oh, that's funny! I picked up on it right away!
[sarcastically]
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Max Denby : Norm! What is your dog doing at work?
Norm Henderson : Sir, remember when you, ah, told us to keep an eye out for Level I Clarical Assistant?
Max Denby : Do-do, don't tell me you hired Wiener Dog.
Norm Henderson : Well, you know, sir, technically you did when you signed this authorization form. Remember? You encouraged us to find somebody with a disability.
Max Denby : [reads the piece of paper] Applicant has no thumbs, three-inch legs, and speaks absolutely no English. This, this, this, this is atrocious; he's fired, he's fi - get rid of him! Get rid of him now!
Norm Henderson : Come on, sir, you can't fire Wiener Dog, there. He's a good man.
Max Denby : Why? Watch me.
Laurie Freeman : Well, sir, actually sir, as crazy as it sounds, you really can't fire him; if you terminate a worker with no notice, the union automatically files a grievance.
Max Denby : I-I-I, I can't fire a dog?
Danny Sanchez : This is great! If we hire a new drug counselor, can I get my hermit crab?
Taylor Clayton : I have a gold fish I've been trying to get in the government for years.
[Danny laughs]
Max Denby : STOP! STOP all of you!
Laurie Freeman : Well, I'm afraid it says right here, sir
[pointing to a place in a union handbook]
Laurie Freeman : before you fire anyone, you have to state the specific problem and then give them two weeks to improve their performance.
Max Denby : [faces Wiener Dog] Hello, Wiener Dog, I, ah, am sorry to say that I'm unhappy with your job performance; you got two weeks to improve your typing skills and learn to talk!