Night Court (TV Series)

Harry on Trial (1984)

Ray Walston: Judge Martin A. Landis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judge Martin A. Landis : You a Shriner, Stone?

  Harry Stone : No, I picked that up at the Goodwill in the Village.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : That's where I got my Captain Video helmet!

  Harry Stone : You got a Captain Video helmet?

  Judge Martin A. Landis : You didn't invent whimsy, you know. I'm not senile, Stone, I've been like this for fifty years. So even if I do become senile, people will never know. Come to think of it, I won't know either, will I?

• Harry Stone : Listen, Judge Landis...

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Shut up, I'm old, I can talk as long as I want.

• Judge Martin A. Landis : Miss Bouvier, please have a seat.

  Harry Stone : NO!

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Did he say "no"?

  Harry Stone : [to Willard]  You have no right to pry into my private life or hers.

  [to Landis] 

  Harry Stone : None of this has anything to do with my competency on the bench.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : I think we should let a court decide that, Judge Stone.

  Judge Robert Willard : Ah, you ARE the court sir.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Hey, that's convenient, isn't it.

• Billie Young : [Billie rushes in to Harry's office and addresses Landis]  Your honor. I don't think its fair that I didn't get to present these facts at the hearing, I have done lots of research and have found presendence after presendence in support of Judge Stone's case. These accusations of impropriaty are totally unfounded and I demand that these charges be dropped immediately.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Agreed!

  [Bangs Harry's oversized gavel] 

  Billie Young : Oh, good... Was it the evidence or the way I presented it.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Come on, I'll explain it over a couple of Piña Coladas.

  [Billie hesitates] 

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Oh don't worry, I'm a judge not a dirty old man.

  [Billie shrugs and leaves] 

  Judge Martin A. Landis : I lied, I'm both.

• Judge Martin A. Landis : Judge Stone, will you be represented by counsel?

  Judge Harry T. Stone : I will be representing myself, Your Honor.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : "He who represents himself has a fool for a client." Who said that?

  Judge Robert Willard : Oliver Wendell Holmes.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Who cares?

• Judge Martin A. Landis : [Bull sits in the witness seat, but as tall as he is Landis thinks he's still standing]  You may be seated.

  Bull Shannon : I am seated.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : ...Oh yes, so you are.

• Harry Stone : Carla, I already quit, you can't tell them anything.

  Carla B. : You're not a judge now, you can't tell me what to do anymore.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : She's got you by the statutes there, Stone!

• Judge Robert Willard : [at Harry's Judicial Review]  Excuse me, Judge Landis. We're ready to begin.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : [appears to be reviewing documentation]  Just a moment.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : [shows a "Highlights" magazine to Judge Willard]  Can you find the hippo in this picture?

• Judge Martin A. Landis : Do you understand the charges brought against you and the jeopardy involved?

  Judge Harry T. Stone : Yes sir, I do.

  Judge Martin A. Landis : Well you're one up on me.

• Judge Robert Willard : On July 12th of this year, didn't the defendant, claiming quote, "This courtroom ain't big enough for the two of us," unquote, squirt you in the face with a water pistol in open court?

  Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding : That date again?

  Judge Robert Willard : Just answer the question.

  Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding : Well yes he did, but it was an accident. He was aiming for my briefcase.

  [Judge Landis laughs] 

  Judge Martin A. Landis : [Dan laughs. Then the judge orders-]  Shut up.

  Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding : Right.

• Judge Martin A. Landis : [after Dan's Testamoney]  Does the Defense have any questions?

  Harry Stone : Not if I want to retain my citizenship.