- Lisa: All right, I did not ask for the stupid award.
- Beth: If I were you, I'd be upset too. I mean, you? Cute? Come on.
- Lisa: Well, I'm not entirely uncute. I... I... why are you being nasty about this?
- Beth: I'm not being nasty. You're pretty. You're very pretty, in fact. But cute? I don't think so.
- Lisa: Well, I wasn't aware there was a difference.
- Beth: Well, of course there's a difference! Pretty means pretty. Cute means pretty but short and/or hyperactive, like me.
- Lisa: Uh-huh. What is beautiful?
- Beth: Beautiful means pretty and tall.
- Lisa: Gorgeous?
- Beth: Pretty with great hair.
- Lisa: Striking?
- Beth: Pretty with a big nose.
- Lisa: Okay, you're making this up.
- Beth: That's ridiculous. Why would I make it up?
- Lisa: Voluptuous?
- Beth: Pretty and fat.
- Lisa: Sexy?
- Beth: Pretty and easy.
- Lisa: Exotic?
- Beth: Ugly.
- Jimmy James: No, Bill, it's not just about the almighty dollar. It's also about the plucky little dime, and the omniscient nickel, and the ferocious quarter.
- Jimmy James: Hey, I own that one.
- Bill McNeal: You own this album?
- Jimmy James: No, I own the company that distributes that album.
- Dave Nelson: Well, sir, I think you underestimate the tenacity of Bill's personal beliefs - and what he believes in above all else... is the importance of sucking up to famous people.
- Joe Garrelli: I thought you liked rap.
- Bill McNeal: I did, but that was before I knew it had words.
- Catherine Duke: Wait, you didn't know it had words? Well, why did you think they called rap?
- Bill McNeal: I thought it was just because of the rhythm. You know, rap-rap, rappity-tap.
- Beth: Look, once they start calling pretty people cute, it devalues the whole word. Wha-what's going to happen next? Cute exotic people? Cute sexy people?to the people who truly have cuteness, like me!
- Jimmy James: Let me tell you somethin', little miss. Advertising pays our bills, alright? Advertising pays your salary. Advertising is what made this country great!
- Lisa: Well, OK - maybe I misspoke...
- Jimmy James: What was the Constitution of the United States?
- [Jimmy incorrectly says The Constitution when he means The Declaration of Independence]
- Lisa: A document...
- Jimmy James: No! It is an advertisement! An advertisement for liberty! "When in the course of human events..." I'm tellin' ya, that's right up there with "Put a tiger in your tank" and "Where's the beef?"
- Bill McNeal: Teenagers can buy this. So could the elderly. I decided to do an on-air editorial, draw a line in the sand, as it were.
- Dave Nelson: Can I make a suggestion?
- Bill McNeal: Shoot.
- Dave Nelson: Put aside the editorial, invent a time machine, travel back to the year 1988, and you might actually be one of the first thousand journalists to break this story.
- Bill McNeal: You'd like that, wouldn't you? It's too hot. You don't want to burn your fingers. Well, someone's got to open American eyes about this.
- Dave Nelson: All right, Bill, but promise me one thing: You'll stay away from the Lambada! That forbidden dance is a powder keg ready to blow!
- [mocking Bill]
- Bill McNeal: I'll promise you nothing.
- Catherine Duke: Look, for as long as I've been in this business, every time I've gotten a promotion, people have always said it was because of... well, you know what.
- Lisa: Because you're black?
- Catherine Duke: What? No, because of these.
- [Points at breasts]
- Catherine Duke: And this.
- [Points at ass]
- Catherine Duke: And the one time these and this should get me something, it goes to somebody with...
- Lisa: With what?
- Catherine Duke: [Gestures at Lisa] With those, and that. No offense.
- Lisa: Okay, all right, okay - these may not be those, but that isn't too shabby.
- [Catherine looks confused]
- Lisa: My ass.
- Joe Garrelli: There, it's fixed.
- Bill McNeal: Well, how on earth did you do that?
- Joe Garrelli: See that knob there? The one marked "Treble"? You had it turned all the way down. Should be able to hear all the words now.
- Bill McNeal: There are words?
- Dave Nelson: And besides, you had no right to make Matthew do your work for you.
- Bill McNeal: I didn't make him do it. I paid him. Quite handsomely, I might add.
- Matthew Brock: Oh, let's just - let's just say I was persuaded by Bill's friends, Mr...
- Matthew Brock: [looks at money] ... uh, Mr. Lincoln, Mr. Washington, and...
- Matthew Brock: [looks at quarter] Oh - Mr. Washington again.
- Dave Nelson: Hi, sold glad you could make it, Mr. D.
- Chuck D.: What's up? You must be Dave.
- Dave Nelson: Yes, how'd you know?
- Chuck D.: Jimmy told me to look for a polite guy that would be calling me Mr. D.
- Lisa: I'm not going to do the shoot.
- Jimmy James: Not doing the shoot? That's free advertisement for the station, and free advertisement... well, that's something you just can't buy.
- Bill McNeal: Have you ever heard rap music?
- Beth: Does Sir Mix-A-Lot like booty?
- Bill McNeal: It's an outrage! Listen to this, actual rap lyrics. "Life ain't nothin' but gritches and money", only they don't say "gritches", they say a certain word that rhymes with it that starts with a B.
- Matthew Brock: Britches?
- Jimmy James: Chuck always, ah... always loves to do favor for the big man. Course, now I have to pay him.
- Dave Nelson: Right.
- Jimmy James: Of course I'll have to pay him.
- Dave Nelson: Well, greed has never been one of your vices, sir.
- Jimmy James: [Puts down phone] I'm sorry, what?
- Dave Nelson: Greed is good, money is everything, I love Big Bird, please make the call.