- Dave Nelson: Joe, you do not know hypnotism.
- Joe Garrelli: Sure I do. Watch this. Chicken.
- [Matthew clucks like a chicken]
- Joe Garrelli: Human.
- Matthew Brock: What up?
- Jimmy James: That's very impressive.
- Joe Garrelli: Thank you.
- Dave Nelson: No, Joe just told him to do that.
- Joe Garrelli: Dave, with Matthew, telling him to do something is hypnotism.
- [after the hypnotism session, Matthew is left acting like a chicken]
- Lisa Miller: What about Matthew?
- Dave Nelson: I think he's happier that way.
- Lisa Miller: You think so?
- Dave Nelson: Well, I'm happier to have him that way, in any rate.
- Beth: All dogs are male, all cats are female.
- Lisa Miller: Daisy is most definitely, and I mean definitely, a girl.
- Max Lewis: We're not disputing that. It's not a matter of sex, it's a matter of gender.
- Lisa Miller: Sex and gender are the same thing.
- Max Lewis: Not so. I definitely prefer sex to gender.
- Lisa Miller: Well, seeing as you have neither, that must be very sad for you.
- Dave Nelson: Joe, Mr. James is a human being, not your personal plaything.
- Joe Garrelli: We'll just keep that our little secret.
- Dave Nelson: Beth, what are you doing?
- Beth: Lisa's puppy is licking peanut butter off my hand.
- Dave Nelson: Oh, Lisa?
- Lisa Miller: [Comes out of Dave's office with puppy] Yeah?
- Beth: Ew!
- Max Lewis: [Coming out from under table] For future reference, I prefer chunky.
- Matthew Brock: Look, Mr.James! Over there! It's Vietnam!
- Jimmy James: Joe, Matthew is making me see Vietnam in the foyer!
- Joe Garrelli: What? Matthew, Vietnam is not in the foyer.
- Matthew Brock: I just calls it like I sees them.
- Joe Garrelli: Mr. James, that is not Vietnam.
- Jimmy James: Then what is it?
- Joe Garrelli: It's a magical candy land with gumdrop mountains.
- Jimmy James: Oh, yeah. Thanks, Joe.
- Lisa Miller: Dave, I'm not too strict with Daisy, am I?
- Dave Nelson: No, I think you obviously care for that dog.
- Lisa Miller: I don't feed her donuts like Beth does.
- Dave Nelson: Well, Beth likes cleaning up puppy vomit better than you do.
- Matthew Brock: I thought hippies were cool.
- Jimmy James: They're not, they are pure evil with hatred in their hearts.
- Matthew Brock: Wow. Live and learn.