- Officer Pepper: Mr. and Mrs. Addams, has your daughter ever been in trouble with the law before?
- Morticia Addams: Why, of course. Once or twice a month, at least.
- Detective Cannon: [after finding an axe in Wednesday's suitcase] Chopping down the Cherry tree?
- Wednesday Addams: Are you mad? That would dull the blade.
- Gomez Addams: I would like to make a restitution for any damages my daughter may have caused.
- [produces large wads of dollar bills out of his pockets]
- Officer Fife: Mr. Addams, you cannot buy your way out of this.
- Gomez Addams: Why? Has there been a change in policy?
- Wednesday Addams: When crushing someone's skull, you should always put newspaper down first. That way, you won't stain the carpet.
- Pugsley Addams: But you can't run away from home.
- Wednesday Addams: Oh no? Watch me.
- Pugsley Addams: Who will tie me up and blowtorch my feet? Or brand me with my favorite poker?
- Wednesday Addams: I've been spoiling you long enough. Now you're on your own.
- Pugsley Addams: Wednesday, here, tie me up once more before you go? Please?