NCIS (TV Series)
Split Decision (2004)
Michael Weatherly: Anthony DiNozzo
Photos
Quotes
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DiNozzo : [Tony gets off elevator, spots McGee at computer] McGee, are you nuts?
Timothy McGee : What?
DiNozzo : You're at Gibbs's desk, touching his computer! That's like touching... the Ark of the Covenant!
Timothy McGee : Gibbs knows I'm doing this.
DiNozzo : He said you could use his computer?
Timothy McGee : Uh huh.
DiNozzo : Really! You know, when mine fried, he wouldn't let me touch his.
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : [entering from offscreen] 'Cause your fingers were always greasy from fried chicken and pizza. How's it going?
Timothy McGee : Bringing it online now, boss.
DiNozzo : What?
Timothy McGee : Yearbook photos from every British university taken between '87 and '97.
DiNozzo : Who said our terrorist was British?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Ducky. Thought his syntax suggested higher education in the British Isles.
DiNozzo : Well, maybe he grew up watching tons of Cary Grant movies.
[Gibbs slaps Tony's head]
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[after learning that the victim had a log go through a pre-existing hole in his gut]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I guess ring toss just isn't enough for some people.
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[Tony is trying to persuade Gibbs to give him an undercover assignment]
DiNozzo : Let's face it, I'm a more believable scumbag than you.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : No argument here.
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Abby Sciuto : Even though the drive was reformatted, all the information it contained is still here. It's just a matter of Humpty-Dumptying it.
DiNozzo : I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : That's because the king only had horses and *men*.
[Abby snickers]
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A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone : Are you always this subtle when you're leering at women?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Well, leering, by definition, is not supposed to be subtle.
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A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone : He never showed. I guess he got cold feet.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : That's not exactly how it went down. Thanks to a SMAW, he's got cold everything now.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Sure she has flaws, sure she's going to prison, but my instincts told me she had good qualities as well.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : Two of them wouldn't happen to live under her shirt, would they?