- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [about their sensitivity training] There's gotta be a way out of this. Maybe I could injure myself.
- [Ziva bends back one of his fingers, hard enough to drive him to his knees]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: AAH!
- Officer Ziva David: What? I was only trying to help.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What about gunshot residue?
- Abby Sciuto: The instant shooter kit came back negative on Porter's skin, shirt, and pants.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Could've worn gloves...
- Abby Sciuto: Or he could've changed his clothes. I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. That's why I'm doing a full analysis on all of Porter's wardrobe.
- [as Gibbs]
- Abby Sciuto: How long, Abby?
- [as herself]
- Abby Sciuto: Well it's gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn't smell very good, I don't think laundry was a priority...
- [as Gibbs]
- Abby Sciuto: Abs!
- [as herself]
- Abby Sciuto: Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you'll know something.
- [as Gibbs]
- Abby Sciuto: You got one! Anything else?
- [as herself]
- Abby Sciuto: Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you.
- [hands Gibbs a coffee]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
- Abby Sciuto: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands.
- [as Gibbs]
- Abby Sciuto: Just give me their names, Abs, and I'll break 'em for you!
- [as herself]
- Abby Sciuto: I know you will, Gibbs. And that is why I love you.
- [Gibbs gives her a peck on the cheek]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A good investigator doesn't sit around. He assumes everything he's been told is false until it checks out. I want you to check every possible lead, every possible angle.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: On it, Boss.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There's only one time I want you to stop, McGee.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: When you tell me.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No! When you're satisfied! When YOU'RE SATISIFIED!
- [last lines]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, Ziva, about what happened back at the bomb...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You don't have to say it boss, we know how you feel about us.
- Officer Ziva David: Gibbs, we're a team, that's what we do.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I was going to say: If either one of you two wingnuts ever disobey a direct order again, I'll kill you myself.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pause] That's our boss.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to McGee after giving DiNozzo and Ziva their orders] Come on, you're with me Elf Lord.
- Officer Ziva David: This is not one of your stupid action movies, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, it isn't. If it was you'd be dressed differently.
- Officer Ziva David: And you'd be far better looking.
- [McGee laughs]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to McGee] You'd be dead by the opening credits!
- [Ziva laughs]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Did you ever stop to think that maybe I am the plucky comic relief?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Not exactly groundbreaking police work there.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [smacks the back of McGee's head] She's not done yet.
- Abby Sciuto: Thank you, Gibbs.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tell me I didn't just smack McGee for no good reason.
- Abby Sciuto: You didn't just smack McGee for no good reason.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to McGee] You know, the FBI does not exist solely to piss me off. Sometimes they can be useful.
- [Dials his cell phone]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, Fornell! I've got one right up your jurisdiction.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They're evacuating the building, boss and the a... ah... That's a really big bomb.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You think, DiNozzo?
- Jimmy Palmer: I always say, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: There's a touch of the poet in you, Mr. Palmer.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'd say you're just more touched.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are you an expert on interviews now?
- Officer Ziva David: Interviews, no. Interrogation techniques, yes.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Like hooking a car battery up to a guy's privates? I'm sure it's effective, but judges tend to frown on it.
- Officer Ziva David: I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Flies.
- Officer Ziva David: What do flies have to do with honey?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Flies don't like vinegar.
- Officer Ziva David: Vinegar?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's complicated.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Like my father always said, "Be careful who you marry, Anthony. She may end up being a homicidal maniac."
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Your father actually said that to you?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it.
- Officer Ziva David: Probably he knew your taste in women.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do you think it was a hate crime?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No. I definitely don't think it was a hate crime. In my experience there's only one color in the Marines.
- Officer Ziva David: By what I've seen of your Marine Corps, it's ethnically diverse.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He means green, Ziva, and I think he's right.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, I want to know about anybody in the area who's made threats against Koreans, foreign Marine wives, or women.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, is that all?
- [Gibbs kicks DiNozzo's desk]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On it boss!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Abby punches his arm] What was that for?
- Abby Sciuto: For mocking my groundbreaking police work.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I wasn't mocking your -
- [Abby makes a fist]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: It won't happen again.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as DiNozzo is talking about celebrity gossip] DiNozzo, shut up.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Shutting up, Boss.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [about the murder weapon] Bullets?
- Abby Sciuto: Um, cross-point .40-caliber Smith & Wesson, also called a "Short and Wimpy," although I do not know why.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They lack the power of a 10mm Auto load.
- Abby Sciuto: Yeah, I guess you don't need a lot of stopping power when you're gunning down housewives.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sensitivity training's going to have to wait. A double homicide at Quantico, Marine wives. Grab your gear!
- Officer Ziva David: [fist-pumps] Yes!
- [DiNozzo and McGee both look at her]
- Officer Ziva David: Inappropriate?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: A bit.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You know, this kind of reminds me of my cousins' house, minus all the blood, unless you count that Thanksgiving back in '98.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Get out of here all of you. Keep a clear distance away. I'll handle it from here.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't care how hard you whack me, boss, I'm not going anywhere.
- Officer Ziva David: Nor am I.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If we survive this, you're both fired.
- Gina Goodwin: I guess the polite term, Agent DiNozzo, would be "bastard." He was always borrowing my husband's tools and never returning them. I should've known something like this would happen.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Stealing tools is not really a prerequisite for murder, Mrs. Goodwin.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss, did you find her?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, McGee. She's hiding in my coffee cup.
- [removing a framed photo on the wall, Ziva finds a fist-sized hole]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sign of an unhappy marriage.
- Officer Ziva David: Funny, I thought it looked like a hole in the wall.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Did you find any casings?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nah, shooter policed his brass, Duck.
- Jimmy Palmer: "Policed", sir?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, a military terminology for cleaning up after oneself. We may be dealing with a professional.
- Jimmy Palmer: Professional what?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Killer, Mr. Palmer. These poor women weren't so much murdered... as executed.
- Officer Ziva David: Can you disarm it?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If I had a couple days, maybe. Can you?
- Officer Ziva David: I could try. I suggest not standing within 5 miles of here while I attempt it.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Palmer just got some of your elements on his plastic thing.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Occupational hazard I'm afraid.