- Abby Sciuto: [about a suspect] This guy is cleaner than cleaner, whiter than white. If you put him in a line up with snow, snow is going to jail.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Or it just means he's never been caught.
- Abby Sciuto: ...Or it just means he's never been caught.
- [Tony and McGee are bickering]
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Hey! Hey! My God, I swear the two of you are worse than my brothers, and they're practically psychotic.
- [Jeremy and Michelle emerge from the hospital entrance, speaking about the NCIS agents]
- Michelle Davison: Two of them were pretty dumb, but their boss wasn't. Did you see the way he was looking at me...?
- [They both freeze when they see Gibbs standing in front of them, staring. Tony and Kate appear on either side of Gibbs, guns drawn]
- Tony DiNozzo: That seem harsh to you, Kate?
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Very!
- [Michelle's hand creeps toward her pocket...]
- Tony DiNozzo: Go for it, honey!
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: My first shot's going through your right eye socket, lady!
- [McGee is innocently drinking coffee that Tony gave him without mentioning that it belongs to Gibbs]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Enjoying that coffee, McGee?
- Timothy McGee: Uh, yeah!
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's not too hot?
- Timothy McGee: [pause] It's your coffee. I'm, uh... Sorry, Boss. I'll get you another one.
- [to Tony and Kate]
- Timothy McGee: Thanks.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Yeah, maybe next time you should remember Rule Twenty-Three.
- Tony DiNozzo: Is that the one about not marrying a woman who eats more than you do?
- Marine Sgt. Chris Hegarty: You never mess with a Marine's coffee, if you want to live, Agent DiNozzo.
- Tony DiNozzo: [laughs] That's right.
- [as McGee leaves]
- Tony DiNozzo: Dead man walking!
- [McGee is hacking into the computer of an adult website]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long is this going to take?
- Timothy McGee: Wha... there's a number of different variables - code complexity, accuracy of the logs, software...
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You have one hour.
- Timothy McGee: Or... one hour.
- [last lines]
- Tony DiNozzo: Yep, it's amazing what you can do with computers these days, Kate.
- Timothy McGee: Sure is, Tony. Hey, I've, uh, got a little somethin' you might be interested in.
- Tony DiNozzo: Who's this supposed to be?
- Timothy McGee: I tracked down your cyber babe for you. Hot Jugs 24.
- [McGee shows picture of big, bald, tattooed dude in undershirt. Kate laughs]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, she's a real keeper, DiNozzo.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: I wonder if he wears a sports bra.
- [first lines]
- [girl in horror movie on TV is screaming]
- Laura Rowens: Keep screaming, Honey. That way the monster will *never* find you.
- [she gets up and goes to the kitchen]
- Jeremy Davison: Boo!
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: According to our rapist, he was invited over, by Laura Rowens.
- Tony DiNozzo: Oh!
- [slaps his forehead]
- Tony DiNozzo: What was that little tip I picked up as a cop in Baltimore? Right on the...
- [points to his tongue]
- Tony DiNozzo: Oh, yeah. Rapists are liars, Kate.
- Abby Sciuto: Internet romances never work out.
- Tony DiNozzo: They all end in attempted murder, Abby?
- Abby Sciuto: Only the really hot ones, Tony.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: 12 years of Catholic school says that ain't ever going to happen.
- Tony DiNozzo: Do you still have the pleated skirt?
- Donald Mallard: [addressing the corpse on his autopsy table] You know, the Romans considered dying during the act of love to be a great honor, Mr. Grotinski.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? What would they think about videotaping it?
- Donald Mallard: Well, from some of the murals I've seen in Pompeii, I think they'd rather enjoy it.
- Tony DiNozzo: It's an Italian thing, Ducky. We're passionate people; it runs in our blood.
- Caitlin "Kate" Todd: The only thing running through your blood, Tony, is cholesterol. And possibly chlamydia.