- Maggie Sheffield: [On her first date with Eddie] So how do you think it's going?
- Fran Fine: Nice. Very nice.
- Maggie Sheffield: So, you don't think I'm being too quiet?
- Fran Fine: Oh, you know, let me give you a little bit of advice. Remember when Eddie came to the house and you said, 'Hello'?
- Maggie Sheffield: Uh-huh.
- Fran Fine: That was good. Elaborate on that.
- Fran Fine: Excuse us. Would you mind moving down a seat?
- Woman at the Movie: There's two seats there.
- Woman at the Movie: Yeah, but we're three. Her date is getting our refreshments.
- Man at the Movie: If she's on a date, who are you?
- Fran Fine: The chaperon.
- Woman at the Movie: Oh, move down for the nuchshlep.
- Man at the Movie: Looks too young to be a nuchshlep.
- Woman at the Movie: You don't have to be old, you just have to be a loser.
- Maggie Sheffield: [about her first ever date] It was terrible. I didn't have anything to say. I sat there like a lump.
- Brighton Sheffield: Well, so do mashed potatoes, and everybody likes them.
- Maxwell Sheffield: [Maxwell doesn't want to let Maggie go on a date with a boy] Miss Fine, you see the position you've put me in. Now you're the good guy, and I'm the ogre who won't let his daughter go to the ball.
- Fran Fine: Oh, nobody thinks of it that way.
- [pause]
- Fran Fine: I mean, maybe the word ogre was mentioned. You can't shelter her forever. I mean, boys will come knocking, and if you don't let 'em in the front door, she is gonna start sneaking out the window. I have seen it a hundred times. Take Teresa Palelly...
- Maxwell Sheffield: Teresa Palelly the casting director?
- Fran Fine: You know her?
- Maxwell Sheffield: Well, I've used her.
- Fran Fine: And the legend lives on.