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My Wife and Kids (TV Series)
Michael's Garden (2001)
Damon Wayans: Michael Kyle
Quotes
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Kady Kyle : Why was Mommy screaming 'oh God oh God oh God'?
Michael Kyle : She was thankful.
Kady Kyle : Why was she screaming?
Michael Kyle : Because she was having fun, you know how when you go to the amusement park and ride the roller coaster and you go AAAAHHHHH!
Kady Kyle : When it was over did Mommy throw up?
Michael Kyle : No but she did ride it backwards.
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Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Why is it men take better care of their cars than their own bodies?
Michael Kyle : Because we don't mind dip sticks being put in our cars.
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Janet 'Jay' Kyle : [to Michael] Go ahead and make jokes, laugh it up, because now you have to go upstairs and tell Kady what you do to me.
Michael Kyle : Me? Why do I have to?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Because it's your turn.
Michael Kyle : No, I tell the boys.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Na, we switch off, I get the next one.
Michael Kyle : What next one? There is no next one.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : I don't know about that, you seemed pretty good at that tonight, the law had to come.
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Michael Kyle : [about the colonoscopy] This is intrusive.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Oh please don't talk to me about intrusive, women have more things coming in and out of us than a bus station.
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Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Don't worry, baby, they're not gonna find anything.
Michael Kyle : Then why the hell do you want me to go through with this?
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Michael Kyle : You can't go to the doctor because you're sick?
Michael Kyle Jr. : Uh huh.
Michael Kyle : Promise me you won't reproduce.
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Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Why is it men keep their cars in better shape than their bodies?
Michael Kyle : Because we don't mind having dipsticks put in our *cars*.