My Family (TV Series)
The Last Supper (2001)
Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper
Quotes
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Nick Harper : I'm having the weirdest dream. Dad's kissing a Beatle.
Janey Harper : Couldn't you just say "Good Morning" like a normal person?
Nick Harper : I think it's Ringo.
Janey Harper : Obviously not.
Nick Harper : Think I'll just get back to bed and wake up.
Janey Harper : Earth to idiot, you're not dreaming.
Nick Harper : Oh right. And if I was awake, would I be able to do this?
[jabs fork into arm]
Nick Harper : [long pause] I'm awake, aren't I.
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Janey Harper : Michael gets all the attention; Nick, he's just an idiot; Mum and Dad are so wrapped up in all their stuff they never listen to me...
Stephanie : Why are you telling me all this?
Janey Harper : You asked for a statement.
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Janey Harper : Uh, Mum, I can't believe it. One dead guy, and all of a sudden you've gone goth.
Susan : Does everything, no matter how awful, come down to fashion?
Janey Harper : Well, yeah.
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Michael Harper : [On his laptop] Do you have to watch TV in here?
Janey Harper : Er, am I bothering you?
Michael Harper : Yes.
Janey Harper : Then that answers your question!
-
[Nick jumps on the sofa and the others rate him]
Michael Harper : I'll give it an 8.5.
Janey Harper : Ah, I seem more like a 3.
Nick Harper : A 3? I'm a perfect performer! My extension was flawless!
Janey Harper : Yeah, but you get a five-point deduction - mum saw you!
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Susan : My boss is coming for dinner, so I want some help cleaning up around here.
Michael Harper : I think the place looks OK.
Susan : Which is why you wear glasses! This place is a mess!
Janey Harper : No, it's not. It looks lived-in.
Susan : By a herd of goats!
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Ben : Erm... Susan, erm... Scott has, erm... moved on.
Susan : Oh, don't be silly, Ben! He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye!
Ben : Ah, er... he might!
Susan : Why send a boy to do a man's job? Michael, go and wake him.
Ben : No! I don't... I don't want anyone up there, OK?
Susan : Ben, what's going on?
Ben : He's, erm... H-h-h-he's... he's...
Nick Harper : Superman!
Ben : He's... he's... Oh, for God's sake - he's dead!
Susan : WHAT?
Nick Harper : OK, scratch Superman!
Ben : Yeah!
Susan : Oh, my God!
Ben : I just... I didn't want to tell you in front of the kids.
Michael Harper : There's a dead body, here?
Janey Harper : That's so awful and sad.
Susan : Where are you going?
Janey Harper : [Excited] Well, I have to tell my friends!
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Nick Harper : [Shows off a female cop's phone number] Her name's Stephanie!
Janey Harper : What, you actually got her number? Er, what did you say to her?
Nick Harper : Told her I had a bomb in my trousers!
Janey Harper : That's pathetic!
Nick Harper : Yeah, but it worked!
-
Ben : [Laying out a new bed] Janey, a little help?
Janey Harper : I don't see why you get a new bed and I don't.
Ben : Next time someone dies in your bed, we'll buy you a new one! Now come on, I want to get this mattress downstairs!
Janey Harper : What's the magic word?
Ben : I haven't got time for this! Please, look... Let's get rid of this one before the new mattress arrives!
Janey Harper : Magic word?
Ben : Please?
Janey Harper : That's not it. Try again.
Ben : There's about to be someone else dead on this mattress!
Janey Harper : The magic word is 'money'!
Ben : Yeah, right! Mikey, come on! Give us a hand! Come on!
Michael Harper : She's got a point, dad. Surely, you don't want us to work without compensation?
Ben : Very funny! Now, after three - ready?
Janey Harper : This isn't a sweatshop, you know?
Ben : One...
Michael Harper : You wouldn't want to run foul of the child labour laws.
Ben : Michael, I'm your father, not your boss!
Michael Harper : That's really just semantics, isn't it?
Ben : Look! Just pack it in, the pair of you! If you don't help now, I'm going to ground you for a month!
Janey Harper : Yeah, right! We both know the last thing you want is us hanging around you for a month!
Ben : Yeah... right! Hah! Just try me!
[pause]
Ben : Fine! OK! £5 each?
[Michael and Janey finally move the bed]
