My Family (TV Series)

The Great Escape (2003)

Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ben : You constantly broke the rules in my house.

  Nick : Never!

  Ben : Nick, you built a moat.

  Nick : OK, one rule.

  Ben : You put a sunroof in the kitchen.

  Nick : It didn't rain.

  Ben : You took a baby elephant into your bedroom.

  Nick : Was that against the rules?

  Ben : Yes.

  Nick : I knew my circus days would come back to haunt me!

• Ben : What's the landlord doing after you?

  Nick : He's always looking for the rent. He is sneaky that way.

  Ben : Nick, *I* pay the rent.

  Nick : Indeed you do.

  Ben : You are giving the landlord the money I pay you for the rent?

  Nick : Of course!

  Ben : Because if I find out you're pocketing the money I pay you for the rent, I'll kill you.

  Nick : Relax, dad! You won't find out from me!

• Ben : Mikey, does your mother know you're here?

  Michael : Does my mother know *you're* here?

  Ben : [pause]  OK, let's start again.

  Michael : I didn't want to bring my date home and have mum offer us biscuits and condoms. Why are you here?

  Ben : Because it's the last place she'd think to find me.

• Ben Harper : Susan.

  Susan : Mmh?

  Ben Harper : I very nearly had sexual intercourse with your mother.

  Susan : What?

  Ben Harper : I didn't know she was there, I thought it was you.

  Susan : [Horrified]  Oh. Ben, that's... that's... that's terrible!

  [Begins laughing] 

  Susan : And funny at the same time.

  Ben Harper : It is not funny!

  Susan : Oh, come on, it's a little bit funny.

  Ben Harper : Susan, we very nearly became a Greek tragedy!

• [first lines] 

  [Susan places a bowl on the table] 

  Ben : What's that?

  Susan : Condoms.

  Ben : I prefer Weetabix.

  Susan : It's for Michael. I found a condom hidden in his wallet.

  Ben : What were you doing going through Michael's wallet?

  Susan : Don't pry, Ben.

• [last lines] 

  [Ben and Susan are in bed] 

  Susan : Come on, Ben.

  Ben Harper : No, not now, Susan. I'm not in the mood.

  Susan : It's been almost a week.

  Ben Harper : No, I, I can't get your mother's face out of my head.

  Susan : She's gone, OK?

  Ben Harper : Something happened then. Say that again.

  Susan : She's gone!

  Ben Harper : Yeah, yeah, that's working, yeah.

  Susan : She's gone.

  Ben Harper : Oh yeah.

  Susan : She's gone.

  Ben Harper : Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

  Susan : She's gone.

  Ben Harper : Oh yeah.

  Susan : She's gone.

  Ben Harper : Oh yeah.

  Susan : She's gone.

  Ben Harper : Mmm. Yes.

  [starts kissing Susan] 

  Ben Harper : Oh yeah. Mmmm.

  Ben Harper , Susan : [kissing]  Mmmm. Mmm.

  Susan : This bed smells like my mother.

  Ben Harper : I may never have sex again.