My Family (TV Series)
Blind Justice (2003)
Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper
Quotes
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Ben : Look, if you're mature enough to have sex, then you're mature enough to lie about it, OK? Just tell your mother it didn't happen.
Michael : You want me to pretend nothing happened even though I'm proud of it?
Ben : Yeah.
Michael : You're asking me to give up my manhood.
Ben : [Thinks] That's what being a man is all about.
Michael : You're not making any sense, Dad.
Ben : That's what being a man is all about, too.
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[first lines]
Nick Harper : [positions package on table] OK. All right, Dad. Look.
Ben : Well, Nick, that's, that's so... um, uh, aw! You shouldn't have. That's, that's really...
Nick Harper : It's well wrapped, isn't it?
Ben : Yes. Yes, it's well wrapped. Yes. You didn't have to buy me a good luck present.
Nick Harper : I didn't.
Ben : It's the salt, Nick, it's the salt.
Susan : What's this? English for 'the stupid'?
Ben : Nick's wrapped the salt-celler.
Nick Harper : Trying to be a wrapping artist. Like the great Christo. Y'know, he wraps up huge monuments for art to elicit emotional response.
Ben : Like irritation?
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Martin Douglas : Can we get on, please?
Joanna : Yes, can we get on?
Ben : Doubt it. You're not my type!
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Woman Juror 1 : And this is the eldest son - he's got a lovely head of hair. Just like my Kenny's - before the burglary.
Ben : Can we move this along, please?
Joanna : No, no, no. Let's hear what she has to say.
Woman Juror 1 : That was it.
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Ben : This can't go on! I've got a wife who's hysterically blind, a son who's hysterically stupid...
Susan : I'm not hysterically blind! I might have been for a moment, but now my sight has come back!
Ben : Oh, really?
[Holds up a clock]
Ben : So, what time is it?
Susan : 10.30.
Ben : Guess again.
Susan : ...-ish.
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Susan : I caught Michael in bed with a girl!
Ben : That's fan- really?
Susan : Yes, yes! Really!
Ben : [Cheering to himself] Yes! Yes!
Susan : He's 16!
Ben : It's fun! It's legal!
Susan : Huh! Legal! One day in a jury room and you're talking like Rumpole of the bloody Bailey!
Ben : Susan, I had plenty of experience when I was 16.
Susan : With someone other than yourself?
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Ben : [On being overlooked for head juror] This is outrageous!
Joanna : Will you let us proceed?
Ben : No, I will not! I'm an experienced medical professional, former Boy Scout and member of the Tufty Club! I've a wide knowledge of John Grisham novels and repeat viewings of LA Law and Kavanagh QC! Therefore, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think you will all agree that I should...
Joanna : Sit down!
Ben : Thank you.
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Joanna : Now, has everyone reached a verdict?
Ben : Yep! Guilty as hell!
Joanna : What? Edwin Taylor's a freedom fighter!
Ben : Edwin Taylor is a smelly git who was sacked for refusing to wash!
Joanna : He's a hero for our time! He didn't want to pollute the water table with detergents! Here is a man with strong beliefs!
Ben : And BO to match! God, he smells like a wet collie smothered in cowpats! Did you see his barrister in court? He kept stuffing the ends of his wig up his nose!
Joanna : Edwin Taylor should not have been in the dock! What he did was justifiable sabotage!
Ben : He put a rotting haddock in the heating system!
Joanna : Because he'd been wrongfully dismissed!
Ben : Because he refused to wash!
Joanna : Because he wanted to protect the environment!
Ben : Ah! Don't his workmates have rights? Hmm? Don't they have rights to be protected from sitting next to Mr Stinky Poo Pong from Smellbad City?
Joanna : So, you don't believe in freedom of expression?
Ben : Yes, I do! I also believe in your right to remain silent - so use it!
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Michael : Have you come here to lecture me?
Ben : No, no! Course not! No! What you did was perfectly natural. I mean, I assume it was. I mean, I don't know what you did, but, you know... I'm not asking... I mean, I can imagine... I mean, I don't want to imagine!
Michael : Dad! I'd rather you lecture me!
