- Johnny Fiama: You know, friends, with this being the year of the chick, in my mind, every day is Valentine's day.
- Clifford: Good evening, good evening. And welcome to Muppets Tonight. The show that has families all around the world saying...
- Muppet Family: [cut to a family in their living room watching TV] I don't get it.
- Dog: Oh, I do. You see, they're making fun of all of you. And uh...
- [the family stares at him blankly]
- Dog: ... Never mind.
- John Goodman: Say Clifford, the ig-pays are a little oopid-stay.
- Andy Pig: [gasps] He speaks the ancient tongue!
- Andy Pig, Randy Pig: Ee-way are not orthy-way! Ee-way are not orthy-way!