- Prof. Gearhart von Fagenspahen: [a block of granite shatters into tiny piece after the first strike of a hammer] Alrighty, I'll call it 'Confetti'.
- Prof. Theodore J. Hansen: Well, if we could prove that our missing link here is actually, alive, then we could become famous in scientific circles.
- Prof. Gearhart von Fagenspahen: Oh, knock it off with the scientific circles, that's for the birds. If we can prove that our missing link is alive, we'll be filthy rich! In the ocean we'll tell everybody to jump! The dean, the board of reason, the whole shmeer!
- Prof. Theodore J. Hansen: Professor Von Fagenspahen, you're a genius.
- Prof. Gearhart von Fagenspahen: Naturally! I'm German.
- Herman Munster: [Eddie keeps startling Herman while he's shaving] Eddie, if I cut my head off with this razor, I'm sending you straight to your room.
- Lily Munster: This lump of clay is Marylin's new project for art class. She has to sculpt something out of it.
- Marilyn Munster: Oh, maybe I could do a bust of a classical greek. Like Apollo, or Achilles, or...
- Grandpa: Seymour.
- Lily Munster: Who's Seymour?
- Grandpa: Who's Seymour? Seymour Akkalacsis, he was a famous greek taxidermist back in Transylvania. He used to stuff all the guys mother in laws for free room and board.
- Lily Munster: Oh, my, that mailman certainly keeps his distance, since that time Spot burried him in the backyard.
- Herman Munster: Some people get so annoyed with pets.
- Eddie Munster: I mailed his picture into the contest after the deadline.
- Lily Munster: I don't understand, he's supposed to be meeting with the commity now. I wonder who he is talking with? The last time he met with strangers, they sold him the Vic Tanny franchise for Greenland.
- Grandpa: Don't worry about it, Herman has a good head on his shoulders. Nothing in it, but he's got a good head on his shoulders.
- Young Doctor: I want you to notice his head. Barring an absurd skull thickness, his brain capasity measures 2500 centimeters.
- Prof. Gearhart von Fagenspahen: Mr. Munster, you have enough brains to fill a lard bucket!