- Herman Munster: [Herman and Grandpa are browsing an old family album] Oh look, isn't that Uncle Boris?
- Grandpa: [points at a picture of a man standing under a noose] That's Uncle Boris alright. He was a real swinger.
- Grandpa: [Grandpa and Herman are looking at Herman and Lily's wedding picture] The date's right here in the corner. 1865... Herman, doesn't that date mean anything to you?
- Herman Munster: Let me see. Oh yeah, I've got it, that was the beginning of the war of 1812!
- Herman Munster: You know, Grandpa, when the chips are down, it's nice to have a no good sneak like you to turn to.
- Marilyn Munster: [to Aunt Lily] It sure is a shame you had to go through five different interviewers today down at the employment agency. At least they finally gave you a job.
- Grandpa: If they both find out that they're working there, it will spoil it for both of them.
- Marilyn Munster: Well, we'll just make a promise not to tell either of them.
- Grandpa: Okay, good, and we'll swear it in blood
- [raises her arm to take a bite]
- Marilyn Munster: Oh, uh uh, we'll just shake hands.
- Grandpa: I'm shaking hands, but I'm thinking blood.
- Herman Munster: That lady welder and I are just friends. Just because I'm a welder, you know, doesn't mean I'm carrying a torch for her.
- Grandpa: After you hear what I have to say, your marriage will be peaches and cream again.
- Herman Munster: I hate peaches.
- Lily Munster: I hate cream!
- Eddie Munster: Isn't that neat?
- Grandpa: Isn't that touching?
- Marilyn Munster: Isn't that romantic?
- The Raven: Isn't that sickening?