- Arthur Figgis: Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
- Inspector Praline: Mr. Milton, you are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
- Mr. Milton: I am.
- Inspector Praline: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the "Whizzo Quality Assortment."
- Mr. Milton: Ah, yes.
- Inspector Praline: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the "Cherry Fondue." This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.
- Mr. Milton: Agreed.
- Inspector Praline: Next, we have number four - "Crunchy Frog."
- Mr. Milton: Ah, yes.
- Inspector Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
- Mr. Milton: Yes, a little one.
- Inspector Praline: What sort of frog?
- Mr. Milton: A dead frog.
- Larry Saltzberg: Now boys, here's my idea.
- Third Writer: It's great!
- Larry Saltzberg: You like it, huh?
- Others: Great, really great! etc.
- Larry Saltzberg: Do *you* like it?
- First Writer: Yeah! Uh... yeah.
- Larry Saltzberg: What do you like best about it?
- First Writer: Er, well, you haven't told us... what it is yet...
- Larry Saltzberg: WHAT?
- First Writer: I like what he likes.
- Larry Saltzberg: What do you like?
- Second Writer: I like what he likes.
- Third Writer: I like what he likes.
- Fourth Writer: I like what he likes.
- Fifth Writer: I'm just crazy about what he likes.
- Larry Saltzberg: What do you like?
- Sixth Writer: Uh... I... I agree with them.
- Larry Saltzberg: Good. Now we're getting somewhere.
- Indian: Me heap big fan Cicely Courtneidge.
- Man sitting next to the Indian: Yes, yes she's very good...
- Indian: She fine actress. She make interpretation heap subtle. She heap good diction and timing. She make part really live for Indian brave.
- Man sitting next to the Indian: Yes, yes she marvelous.
- Indian: My father - Chief Running Stag - leader of mighty Redfoot tribe - him heap keen on Michael Denison and Dulcie Gray.
- Man sitting next to the Indian: [reluctantly keeping the conversation going] Um, do you go to the theatre a lot?
- Indian: When moon high over prairie, when wolf howl over mountain, when mighty wind roar through yellow valley, we go Leatherhead Rep - block booking, upper circle, whole tribe get in on 3 and 6 each.
- Man sitting next to the Indian: That's very good.
- Indian: Stage manager Stan Wilson. Heap good friend Red Foot tribe. After show we go pow-wow, speakum with director, Sandy Camp, in snug bar of Bell and Compasses.
- Inspector Praline: [filmed exterior shot] Hello again. I am at present still on film, but in a few seconds I shall be appearing in the studio.
- [Inspector Praline disappears from the shot]
- Inspector Praline: [voice-over] Thank you.
- [cuts to Mr MIlton's office; Inspector Praline walks through the door]
- Inspector Praline: [to camera] Hello.