- Madame Quagmyer: Oh! That is the worst looking dummy I have ever seen.
- Peter: [enters room] Madame Quagmeyer?
- Madame Quagmyer: I retract that statement.
- Rob Roy Fingerhead: Now then, where's your style?
- Mike: Hmm, oh well, we usually keep it in the bathtub.
- Ms. Osbourne: Tell me, Mr. Jones, what do you look for in a girl?
- Davy: Well, um, it all depends what I've lost.
- Mike: Some fashion magazine! Says here, "neck lines are plunging lower every year, this year the V will go down to the tummy in something of a "peek-a-boo" effect. Get into the swing of fashions and have your own "naval observatory"."
- Davy: You must be joking!
- Mike: You're right, I am, it doesn't say that at all.
- Davy: Here, eh, listen to this: "Why not take li'l metal bottle tops and nail them to your living room floor. It gives you the impression that you are walking upon... li'l... metal... bottle tops..."
- Toby Willis: You see, what we wanna do is show what you are, and the way you live.
- Davy: What? You wanna get us arrested?
- Madame Quagmyer: Rob Roy, Miss Willis has turned in her story on the Monkees. It is accurate, truthful and completely factual.
- Rob Roy Fingerhead: Is she out to destroy us?
- Madame Quagmyer: Apparently. I want you to take a crack at it.
- Rob Roy Fingerhead: I anticipated you, Madame.
- [Rob Roy hands over his article]
- Madame Quagmyer: Hm! Divoon...