The Monkees (TV Series)
Hillbilly Honeymoon (1967)
Lou Antonio: Judd
Photos
Quotes
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Jud Weskitt : You no account city slicker!
Davy : I'm not a city slicker!
Jud Weskitt : How much is one and one?
Davy : Two.
Jud Weskitt : That proves it, ya fast talkin' sharpie!
Davy : But I'm not from the city, I'm English.
Maw Weskitt : [jumps off her rocking chair] A dang Red-Coat! I knew they'd be comin' back.
Davy : Wha- well, you haven't been at war with the British since 1812.
Maw Weskitt : That's the year I was born, sonny, I remember it very clear.
Davy : What's kept you alive all this time?
Maw Weskitt : Hate! Hate and vengeance!
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Micky : What is this?
[holds up a spoon]
Jud Weskitt : That is a... spoon.
Micky : Right, what do we do with it?
Jud Weskitt : And we... eat with it!
[Micky, Mike and Peter cheer]
Micky : What's this, Jud?
[holds up a fork]
Jud Weskitt : That is a... vark.
[Micky, Mike and Peter cheer]
Micky : What do we do with it?
Jud Weskitt : And we... eat with it!
[Micky, Mike and Peter cheer]
Micky : Hold it, wait, wait, hold it. What is this, Jud?
[holds up a knife]
Jud Weskitt : That is a... knife!
[Micky, Mike and Peter cheer]
Micky : What do we do with it?
Jud Weskitt : And we...
[grabs the knife]
Jud Weskitt : stab out blindly at those who would make us eat with a fork and spoon!
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Mike : You gotta be sweet instead of surly. You gotta be tender instead of taciturn. You gotta... you gotta be amiable instead of angry.
Jud Weskitt : Then what?
Mike : Then what? Well, you can ask yourself "Whatever happened to the good old Jud Weskitt?"
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Mike : Listen...
Jud Weskitt : What?
Mike : Ella Mae Chubber's gettin hitched.
Jud Weskitt : Well, what happened, did Chubber's horse die?
Mike : Did the chubbers horse die? No, not to a wagon, man, she's getting married!
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Davy : Listen, you wait here, I'll go and get the preacher. Here's the ring.
Jud Weskitt : Thanks, stranger. Say, I'd sure like for you to be my best man.
Davy : Oh, that's a very nice gesture, Jud.
Jud Weskitt : And lend me two bucks for the preacher?
Davy : Two bucks! How much is that in English money?
Jud Weskitt : Seventeen shilling and six pence.
Davy : Okay, I'll manage that.
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Mike : Look, Jud, if you want to be qualified for Ella Mae, you got to treat her like a gentleman.
Jud Weskitt : But she's a girl.
Micky : [to camera] Isn't that dumb?
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Peter : All right, let's try it again. Now, what are the four qualities that a lady respects most in a gentleman?
Jud Weskitt : Kindness... consideration... affection... and a punch in the mouth!
Peter : Well, that's three out of four.
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Paw Chubber : I'll kill the first Weskitt that crosses that line!
Jud Weskitt : Oh, I'll shoot the first Chubber that crosses!
Peter : Oh, well, we're neither Weskitt nor Chubber.
Davy : No!
Peter : I guess that lets us off the hook.
Paw Chubber : We both hate strangers!
[both families cock their guns and aim at the Monkees]
Peter : I geuss that, er, puts us back on the hook.
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Jud Weskitt : Who's you?
Mike : You remember your cousins Claude & Leroy?
Jud Weskitt : No I don't.
Mike : Do you remember your cousins Luke & Ezra?
Jud Weskitt : No I don't.
Mike : You remember your cousins Roland & Clem?
Jud Weskitt : Er, yes, I do!
Mike : Yep, well, that's who we are, Roland & Clem.
Jud Weskitt : Whatever happened to cousins Luke, Ezra, Claude & Leroy?
Mike : Well, they said, say hello.
Jud Weskitt : Hello!
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Maw Weskitt : Congratulations, cousins, and welcome to the family.
Micky : Thanks, Maw. You sure play great garbage!
Jud Weskitt : [to Mike] How did you learn how to play such a good nose?