- Hector MacDonald: What do women want from men, Lexie?
- Lexie McTavish: Money. Security. Respect. A nice, tight bum. Oh, sorry, did you want those in order of preference?
- Lexie McTavish: Aye, well, here's another tip fro the kitchen: what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the scrawny old gander.
- Duncan McKay: That man Xavier, he's looking for an heir to the Ballantine Estate. I saw his papers upstairs.
- Archie: And you just accidentally happened to read them? I asked you to fix his window, Duncan, not turn his room over.
- Duncan McKay: I couldn't help it. I saw the name. Ballantine. That's my granny's name.
- Archie: Oh, so that makes you Duke of the Highlands, I suppose?
- Duncan McKay: Maybe. Eventually.
- Archie: Well, before you head off to the palace, could I have the keys to the Land Rover, please?
- Lexie McTavish: Oh, they're in his other cloak. The one with the ermine collar.
- Duncan McKay: She needs new plugs, but you should be okay.
- Archie: Cheers.
- Lexie McTavish: I suppose from now on you'll be traveling in a sedan chair, borne by comely and compliant maidens.
- Duncan McKay: You volunteering?
- Lexie McTavish: You need to lose some weight first. Starting off with that fat head.
- Duncan McKay: Oh, go ahead. Mock.
- Lexie McTavish: Don't worry, I will.
- Hector MacDonald: What a man does or doesn't do in his own house is his own business. I mean, if you want to torture yourself, go ahead.
- Molly MacDonald: I have no intention of torturing myself. That's always been your job, and you excel at it.
- Golly Mackenzie: [Talking about Duncan's grandmother] His granny was a Ballantine all right. Her first husband was killed at Dunkirk, just a few weeks after the wedding. Married again in '42, Alex McKay was his name. A cousin of my father's actually.
- Duncan McKay: You mean we're related?
- Golly Mackenzie: Around here everyone's related, son. But it's not something to boast about, if you know what I mean.