- Jake Hanson: You know what they say, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
- Sandy Louise Harling: That's absence.
- Jake Hanson: Whatever.
- Matt Fielding: [about Billy's screenplay] I take it it's not a comedy.
- Allison Parker: Not intentionally.
- [first lines]
- Billy Campbell: You look good, kitten. Real good.
- Blonde: And when I'm bad, I'm just the way you like it.
- Sandy Louise Harling: Who do you think you are, Mrs. Marcus Welby?
- Jane Andrews Mancini: Marcus Welby was a widower.
- Sandy Louise Harling: See? You might as well be dead!
- Steve Sanders: All I'm saying is I think you're headed for a serious heartbreak with this guy, Kelly.
- David Silver: Look, I heard this thing on the love lines about guys with wounded souls who attract women who think they can heal them, only it's the women who end up wounded.
- Kelly Taylor: Look, you don't understand. Jake is just going through a bad time right now.
- Steve Sanders: Oh, like that guy down in the unemployment line that Jake clobbered?
- Kelly Taylor: Look, he just needs me on his side, to be there for him.
- David Silver: Well, I think he gets the idea. I mean, you call him five times a day, and of course, he never answers.
- Kelly Taylor: David, shut up. It's none of your business.
- David Silver: I'm your brother.
- Kelly Taylor: Stepbrother.
- David Silver: Whatever.
- Billy Campbell: You know the problem with you, Allison? You have no taste, just like your casserole.
- Allison Parker: That's great. Don't eat it.