- Kelly: Oh, no, Daddy's going away again? Now, this time he's joined the Post Office.
- Al: Don't worry, pumpkin, Daddy's not going to any place as dangerous as that.
- Bud: Kel, I thought you of all people would recognize a man in a military uniform.
- Kelly: This is what they look like ON? Oh my God. That's so cute.
- Al: Honey, you shouldn't say things like that to Daddy after he's just been trained to use a gun.
- Drill Instructor: Am I disturbing you, private?
- Al: It's Al Bundy.
- Drill Instructor: Al Bundy, "sir"!
- Al: Well... nobody's called me sir in a long, long time.
- Drill Instructor: [shouting] How about moron? They've called you that haven't they?
- Al: Sir, yes, sir!
- Drill Instructor: Al Bundy, ladies shoe salesman. Well, High Heels, you're in the reserve now. You're not in some candy-ass mall.
- Al: You haven't seen my customers. Every day it's the battle of the bulge, sir!
- Drill Instructor: Drop and give me 50, mall scum!
- Al: I don't have a 50-dollar bill. All I got is this five.