- Steve Rhoades: [while watching TV with Al] Hey, look at that blond all over the singer like a coat. Oh, boy, I'd like to give her a...
- [Al and Steve recognize who it is]
- Steve Rhoades: Oops. Sorry, Al. That's your daughter.
- Al Bundy: [yells at the TV] Kelly, stop that! Stop that, Kelly! Hang on, pumpkin! Daddy's coming! I'll be right there! Stay there, pumpkin! Daddy's coming!
- Steve Rhoades: [Al and Steve are watching the "Video Slut" tryouts on cable access TV] Oh, man. Look what it looks like before you marry it.
- [Peggy, Kelly, and Bud are grabbing at Al demanding allowance money]
- Al Bundy: Get off me! Back, you savages! Back! All right, here's your stinking allowance!
- [Al throws a wad of cash on the floor, and Peggy, Kelly, and Bud break away from Al, and grab at the money, yelling like a literal pack of savage animals]
- Al Bundy: [sarcastic] Another Hallmark moment.
- Al Bundy: Marcy just gave me an idea, Two, actually. One: I want to have chicken for dinner tonight. And two: I'm discontinuing your allowance.
- Bud Bundy: Kelly, go get changed into your sleaziest dress.
- Kelly Bundy: Which one?
- Bud Bundy: The one Dad calls your belt.
- Kelly Bundy: Boy, I hate this. This is the second time this week somebody has chained me to a fence and wandered off.
- Kelly Bundy: Bud, I want this so bad. What if I'm not slutty enough? I'd die.
- Bud Bundy: Not slutty enough? Baby, you've got "tramp" written all over your face.
- Al Bundy: Look, Peg, I'm not asking for the impossible: a quick, painless death. All I want you to do is earn one lousy dollar. Just find something you do best and get someone to pay you for it.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, okay. Then how about giving me $100 for sex tonight? That's only $50 a minute, Al.
- Al Bundy: Peg, I forgot to tell you it has to be something someone wants.