- Cigarette Girl: What is it with you football guys? You pound on each other, you abuse your own bodies, why do you do it?
- Lawrence Taylor: It's a man's thing.
- Kenny Stabler: A commitment to excellence.
- Bubba Smith: And it gets out out of the house, and away from your wife.
- John S. Reynolds: Bust most important, we do it for pride.
- [John 'Hacksaw' Reynolds sits down at a table with Thad, unaware of his true gender]
- Mrs. Taylor: Well, what have you got to say for yourself?
- Lawrence Taylor: Baby, have I ever told you how pretty your eyes look?
- Mrs. Taylor: Oh, really? And what color are my eyes?
- [Lawrence Taylor shamefully looks away, not remembering]
- Mrs. Bubba Smith: Bubba! So, just going out for some milk, huh?
- Bubba Smith: Well, the Snake, L.T. and Hacksaw were gonna play. If I didn't play, they'd call me a sissy and give me the business.
- Al Bundy: Hey Number 56, you don't look like Morty Fishbine.
- Lawrence Taylor: Well, I am you schmuck!
- Al Bundy: Who would think little Morty Fishbine would grow up to look like Lawrence Taylor?
- Speedy: And if that's something, Eddie Yim grew up to look like Bubba Smith.
- Bubba Smith: Shut up! Don't call me that!
- Al Bundy: Same old Eddie, except now he appears to be a giant black man now.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Al, I'd swear that's Rod Martin, Hacksaw Reynolds, and Kenny Stabler over there!
- Al Bundy: Jefferson, there is nobody over there but pink punks. And what do Polk High Panthers do to pink punks?
- Al's Teammates: Pulverise the powder puffs!
- Al Bundy: Let's rock.
- [looking at pink football uniforms they opposing team is wearing]
- Al Bundy: Nice colors, Franklin. You all look like a box of Good n' Plenty!
- Jack Franklin: I think you are all a bunch of pansies!
- Al Bundy: Pansies?
- Jack Franklin: Pansies!
- Al Bundy: Say, didn't they recently change Patton High's name to Jacqueline Onassis High?
- Jack Franklin: [beat] Yeah.
- Al Bundy: And isn't their football team now known as the Jackie O First Ladies?
- Al Bundy: They used ringers, guys 25, 30 years old.
- Jack Franklin: You had guys that old.
- Al Bundy: They were there honestly. They were stupid.