- Peggy Bundy: Al, would you relax? You told Bud to find someone desperate.
- Al: [referring to his boss, Gary] When I said aim low, I didn't think he'd excabate the Tar PITS!
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Who cares if Gary's a tarantula in Chanel? I've seen worse.
- Al: You married worse.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Exactly.
- Kelly Bundy: Which side does the salad spork go on again?
- Peggy Bundy: On the left, who raised you?
- Kelly Bundy: No one. How come you don't put out the good plastic for my boyfriends?
- Al: 'Cause your boyfriends don't use utensils.
- Peggy Bundy: Look, Gary's gold card!
- Al: Hey, forget about fried chicken, tonight it's fried lobster.
- Peggy Bundy: Wait a second, shouldn't we wait for Bud?
- Al: What's he need lobster for? He's got dignity.