- Peggy Bundy: Okay Al, I got your batteries.
- Al Bundy: Peg, these are A's, I needed D's.
- Peggy Bundy: A's, D's, what's the difference?
- Al Bundy: They're too small.
- Peggy Bundy: Then use a lot of them.
- Al Bundy: Better yet, I'll exchange them... for bullets!
- Al Bundy: Peg, do we really need Christmas icicles? It's May.
- Peggy Bundy: Well, you'll thank me in December.
- Al Bundy: Only if you leave me in November.
- Checker #2: That'll be $753.84.
- [the old lady pulls up a cart with two very large jars filled with coins]
- Old Lady: Every time my husband and I make love...
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, look Al, they're doing a "Full House" in 3-D.
- Al Bundy: Is the third dimension the funny one?
- Bundo: What is that gizmo?
- Evil Bank President: That's not a gizmo, it's a computer.
- Bundo: [Bundo draws his guns and shoots the computer six times] Now it's a gizmo. Now you take your prairie chicken hide an' cluck on outta here.
- Man: My wife and I put a penny in it every time we make love.
- [smiles]
- Man: We're like rabbits.
- Al: Good. On Easter I'll dip you both in chocolate and break your heads off.
- Kelly Bundy: Let's do something nice for him.
- [Buck]
- Bud Bundy: What can we do?
- Buck the Dog: Food would be nice.
- Kelly Bundy: I know. Let's take him out for some exercise.
- Buck the Dog: Oh good, the very thing you need food for.
- Kelly Bundy: Hey I know, lest's play...
- Buck the Dog: Anything but frisbee.
- Kelly Bundy: Frisbee
- Buck the Dog: Noooooo, not the disk of death!
- Bud Bundy: Oh ho ho ho, look at his eyes light up.
- Buck the Dog: I'd tear out both their hearts if my teeth weren't in a glass in my doghouse.
- Buck the Dog: [Kelly and Bud are fighting] Oh come on, she's never gonna get that frisbee to fit there.
- Bud Bundy: Aaaaaargh!
- Buck the Dog: Well I'll be damned.
- Al: [being locked in the store and facing the fact that Peg is running around the mall with credit cards] My wife is out there unsupervised with credit cards!