- Hawkeye: [seeing Margret using an electric neck massager on Frank] Behind every great man, there is a woman with a vibrator.
- Hawkeye: [being held under arrest in The Swamp with Trapper in their boxers] This is a clear violation of the Geneva Convention. 'No officer shall be confined in his underwear unless issued an athletic supporter with suitable insignia.'
- Major Murphy: Charge three says that you have a noncom who is a transvestite.
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Well, I don't pry into a man's religion, sir.
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: And the winner is Gal o' War by a... by a... uh, by... the winner is Gal o' War.
- Trapper: We're here to help Colonel Blake, sir.
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Yeah, get me life in front of the firing squad.
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: As we round the clubhouse turn, it's Hawk's Pride with Gal o' War, Girlaway, and Bouncing Betty.