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Alan Alda and G.W. Bailey in M*A*S*H (1972)

Plot

That Darn Kid

M*A*S*H

Edit

Summaries

  • A peddler wheels his cart into camp. Klinger buys from him a goat to get rich selling milk. B.J. shows interest in a blue vase, but Charles outbids him greatly. Meanwhile, much to his chagrin, Hawkeye is paymaster again. But just as he gets the pay rolling, wounded arrive. Hawkeye tells Klinger to keep an eye on the money while he's in surgery. Unfortunately, Klinger left the money in his office alone with the goat...Hawk and Klinger return to find the money gone. It had been eaten. No way would I-CORPS believe that. Worse yet, he still had a ton of angry, unpaid staff members. Meanwhile, Charles, who hasn't yet been paid, can't afford the vase he wants, however Rizzo agrees to loan him the money, with a small 100% interest attached. Will Charles ever get himself out of debt? Will Hawkeye go down for the disappearance of the money, or will his name be cleared by sheer luck or help from a very hungry kid?—<Explorerds6789>

Synopsis

  • A peddler wheels his cart into camp. Klinger buys from him a goat (for $25, which he borrows from Hawkeye and BJ) to get rich selling milk. B.J. shows interest in a blue vase, but Charles outbids him greatly. BJ wanted to buy the vase for $3, but Winchester bids $10, and doesn't have the cash. So he bids $50 and asks the peddler to wait one day for payment.

    Meanwhile, much to his chagrin, Hawkeye is paymaster again. But just as he gets the pay rolling, wounded arrive. Hawkeye tells Klinger to to lock the money in Potter's safe while he's in surgery. But Potter was in triage and he is the only one who knows the combination. Unfortunately, Klinger left the money in his office alone with the goat...Hawk and Klinger return to find the money gone. It had been eaten. No way would I-CORPS believe that. Worse yet, he still had a ton of angry, unpaid staff members. Nobody is willing to believe that the goat ate the payroll. Hawkeye paid himself and wants to buy everybody drinks to calm them down. Igor doesn't have any booze to serve. He was waiting for payday to collect the tab and then buy the new shipment of booze.

    Meanwhile, Charles, who hasn't yet been paid, can't afford the vase he wants (as the money will take a day more to arrive, while he has to pay the peddler by EOD), however Rizzo (who was paid just before the wounded arrived) agrees to loan him the money, with a small 100% interest attached per day. Winchester gets his vase, but is not happy about being gouged by RIzzo. Potter informs Hawkeye that I Corps is sending an investigator Major Van Zandt (John P Ryan) to look into the "goat ate the payroll issue" and if the investigator doesn't buy the story, Hawkeye owes US Army $22000. Meanwhile a supplemental payroll will be issued to tide folks over till main payroll is settled.

    The investigator asks for proof that the goat ate the money and Hawkeye cant produce any witnesses. Winchester gets just $50 as supplemental pay. Since there is no proof the investigator declares Hawkeye guilty and he is on the hook for $22K. Zandt says that if Hawkeye can pay, his salary for the rest of his army and civilian life will be confiscated till every red cent is paid back to the US army. Potter still argues that if the money was burnt, the script would be replaced and Hawkeye wont be on the hook. If money can be burnt, it can be swallowed. Meanwhile Igor has the same vase as Winchester and he realizes that the vase is not a priceless antique but a cheap replica. Klinger lures the investigator out of his tent (where he was working on a critical report for a general, which is due by EoD or else the General will chew him out), Potter and Hawkeye bring the goat into the tent and the goat eats the report. The investigator figures out that he has been setup. He agrees to clear Hawkeye if Potter would testify that a goat ate the general's report

    The payroll arrives and Winchester ends up paying $250 back to Rizzo for the original loan of $50.

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