- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: [Klinger gives Margaret a wedding gown] I always figured if I had a daughter, I'd want her to wear that gown. My Uncle Zak used it to get out of World War I.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: [Donald has passed out drunk] Let's slip him in bed with Nurse Carson.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: No wait, I've got a better idea. Let's slip me in bed with Nurse Carson.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Why don't we toast the happy couple.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: They're too big for our toaster.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Where ya goin', Frank?
- Maj. Frank Burns: [his last line in the series] I dunno, uhhh... just felt like grabbing a cold shower.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: [after Donald Penobscott chases Frank out of the mess hall] Father, do you do Presbyterian funerals?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Well. one of us ought to to tell her it was a joke.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: His leg is okay.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: The cast is a fake.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: [Margaret can't hear them over the helicopter noise] What?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt, Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: The cast.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Take it off.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Taking off.