Plot

Everyone at the 4077 is so cranky, cold and bored, BJ decides the only way to uplift spirits is to "borrow" Hawkeye's birthday. Hawkeye is not amused. Captain Anthony Borelli (Robert Alda) visits the 4077 to lecture about peripheral nerve grafting to replace entire segments of skin. Borelli has always really annoyed Hawkeye. When the surgeon is injured at the Battalion Aid Station, Hawkeye rushes to volunteer for duty, just to avoid Borelli. But Borelli insists on accompanying him--so Hawkeye "borrows" BJ's wedding anniversary to substitute for his birthday. After riding to the BAS, the medic, Cpl. Jarvis (Antony Alda) is practically forced to throw water on the battling surgeons and he tells them to knock it off. By surgery's end, Dr. Left and Dr. Right are just a little too happy and annoying enough for one to pause and realize where the good looks in the Alda family went (Antony).—LA-Lawyer

Hawkeye is irritated that the 4077th, led by BJ in an effort to boost morale, is planning a "surprise" birthday party for him, when it isn't even close to his birthday. Meanwhile, he habitually disagrees with wisecracking medical adviser Dr. Anthony Borelli.—Anonymous

Everyone at the 4077 is so cranky, cold and bored. People start sniping and fighting with each other over petty things. Mulcahy is testing if the circumference of a clenched fist is equal to the length of one's foot. BJ decides the only way to uplift spirits is to "borrow" Hawkeye's birthday (BJ is planning a surprise party for Hawkeye upcoming borrowed birthday, as a means of keeping everyone busy). Hawkeye is not amused. Its a whole day of people slapping him on the back and pretending to be surprised at their gag gifts. When it is his real birthday, nobody will believe him. Mulcahy suggests a masquerade party as a theme for Hawkeye's birthday. Klinger wants to cook the world's biggest sandwich or the world's biggest salami.

Captain Anthony Borelli (Robert Alda) visits the 4077 to lecture about peripheral nerve grafting to replace entire segments of nervous systems. Borelli has always really annoyed Hawkeye. Hawkeye thinks there will never be enough time in a MASH unit for delicate work such as nerve grafting. Also when Borelli is around everyone has to do everything his way. He shows the bartender in the O club, how to wash glasses. Teaches Hawkeye how to drink scotch.

When the surgeon is injured at the Battalion Aid Station (His jeep hit a land mine, and he is too shocked to move, so someone has to operate on him there), Hawkeye rushes to volunteer for duty, just to avoid Borelli. But Borelli insists on accompanying him--before leaving Hawkeye "borrows" BJ's wedding anniversary to substitute for his birthday, so that the camp can focus on BJ instead of him. After riding to the BAS (Borelli wants Hawkeye to drive on his route (he sticks to the map), not eat food while driving, and if he is eating cheese then have it with French mustard (he cant taste the cheese, only the mustard)), the medic, Cpl. Jarvis (Antony Alda) is practically forced to throw water on the battling surgeons (Borelli wants Hawkeye to operate on the belly first, but Hawkeye wants to stabilize the chest first as the patient has a collapsed lung.. Borelli then criticizes the way Hawkeye sterilizes his hands) and he tells them to knock it off. Borelli finds issue with everything starting from the way Hawkeye scrubs to how he conducts his surgery. The injured surgeon has a face laceration with possible nerve damage. Borelli wants the wound left open, but Hawkeye wants to suture it and open it again, if required.

A North Korean artillery barrage knocks off the BAS, breaking Hawkeye's wrist and Borelli's elbow. Now each has one functioning arm. They team up together to perform the operation on the surgeon. Hawkeye leaves the face laceration open for a nerve graft, which is performed by Potter back at the 4077. By surgery's end, Dr. Left and Dr. Right are just a little too happy and annoying enough for one to pause and realize where the good looks in the Alda family went (Antony).

The camp meanwhile celebrates BJ's anniversary, just when a column of soldiers walk after wandering around in the cold for hrs. At first Sgt Herbert is annoyed looking at the festivities in MASH while soldiers die out there.. But soon, he sees how MASH people care for his platoon and he buddies upto BJ. BJ borrows Herbert's birthday to shift the attention to him.