M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Heal Thyself (1980)
Harry Morgan: Col. Sherman T. Potter
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : [after hearing Enrico Caruso] The guy sounds like a banshee in a bear trap.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : [about Caruso] Sir! This man is one of the giants of serious music.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : If I want music, I'll send for my Tex Ritter 78s. If I want a giant, I'll send for Mel Ott!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Well, I don't know Mr. Ott's work, but cowboy crooners, even one so noteworthy as ol' Tex, can hardly be mentioned in the same breath with the immortal Enrico Caruso!
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Oh, yeah? If you want to match windpipes, can that Caruso guy yodel?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Not even at gunpoint!
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Not so fast. This is a private room. Go someplace else.
B.J. : There is no place else. The V.I.P. tent is bulging with sick nurses.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Who are also bulging.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Klinger!
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : You bellowed, o top o' the heap?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Yeah, and I wish I hadn't. It looks like I've got the mumps and...
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : The mumps!
[backing away]
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Command me from a distance, my weak and withering leader. I have never mumped, and I'm too old to start.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : [reading Zane Grey] There's a lesson. Never insult seven men when all you're packin' is a six-gun.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Look, we can do this easy, or we can do this hard.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Why can't we just not do it at all?
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Winchester, the artistic temperament is a delicate thing. So clam up, you yahoo!
Maj. Charles Winchester : I do not understand why you are allowed your pleasures and I am not allowed mine!
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Because MY pleasures are a little more on the quiet side!
Maj. Charles Winchester : [looking at the colonel's painting] Ah! That is either a horse or the RCA building.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : It's a horse. I'm about to paint his back end. Fortunately, I have a live-in model.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : Hi, Colonel. We got a really swell surprise for ya.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Go away, Pierce. And take Hunnicutt with you.
B.J. : We wanted to bring you something to cheer you up. But what can you give a man who has everything, including the mumps? His very own roomie!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : So here he is now, Charles Emerson Winchester the puffed.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : [Charles enters, face swollen] Well, well. A childhood malady in a man of your advanced weight?
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : You didn't know we were all walking into a mumps festival at the orphanage.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Gee, I just thought those kids were doing great Charles Laughton impressions.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Margaret, I know you're trying to help me, and God knows there isn't a pillow around that could go the distance with ya, but you'd bring a smile to this swollen face if you'd just leave me alone.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Colonel...
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : And don't let the door hit ya on the fanny on the way out.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Anything else I can do for you, sir?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : One thing. You've been here all day. Leave me alone!
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You don't have to shout.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Yes, I do. I would never hit a woman.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : Colonel, isn't it a bit early in the day to be, um--how shall I put it--bagged?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : It's not booze that's got me in this shape, Winchester, it's mumps.
Maj. Charles Winchester : [laughs] I--Forgive me, Colonel. It's just that it's a bit silly to find a childhood malady afflicting a man of your advanced years.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Step aside, Major.
Maj. Charles Winchester : What's next for you, Colonel? Unsightly teenage blemishes?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Ah, between you and the mumps, Winchester, I'd prefer the mumps. At least I know they're going to go away.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : On second thought, I think I'll read a little and then turn in. Some Zane Grey, maybe.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Ah, Zane Grey. Tolstoy with spurs.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : He happens to be a great writer!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Colonel, what gin rummy is to games of skill, Zane Grey is to literature. Therefore, I shall counter with something civilized--Caruso.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : En-riko Caruso? The singer?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Why, yes, I do believe he sings.