Has there ever been something you've wanted so badly you'd go to any lengths to get it? We've all been there, and in this case, Hawkeye Pierce is already there. There's a big gaping hole in the bottom of one of his boots and he desperately needs a new pair. Amongst all the supply snafus, no new boots have surfaced, so he and Trapper go talk to the surly supply sergeant, Zale. He isn't very helpful and complains about his teeth, saying he needs bridgework. So Hawkeye and Trapper go to visit the dentist, Futterman, who is obsessed with Japan. Hawk and Trap agree to see about getting a 3-day pass from Henry if he will agree to look at Zale's teeth. Henry, meanwhile, is having a problem of his own: Major Houlihan is going to report him to General Mitchell. Why? Because Henry is a very laxed commander who doesn't follow her idea of what a commissioned officer should be. She's just a total bitch who makes her nurses' lives hell. If Henry had any guts, he'd report her instead. But anyway, Hawkeye makes a deal to get Hot Lips off Henry's back if he will approve a pass for Futterman. Will Hot Lips back off? Only if Frank gets a birthday party (with presents). Hawkeye draws the line there and decides he doesn't need boots bad enough to throw a party for Ferret Face...but a nice trample through a mud puddle quickly gets him to change his mind.
Hawkeye and Trapper ask Radar for help with the party, and he says he'll help if they get him a date with Nurse Murphy. Murphy says if they can get her a hair dryer, she'll even go out with Radar O'Reilly. Oh the irony. The only person in camp to have a hair dryer is Klinger, and he won't part with it unless the doctors can get him a Section 8. All he needs if four officers' signatures, so Hawk and Trap decide to try their luck at the party to see if Frank will be buttered up enough. So the party kicks off, Frank is happy as a clam, and then the Section 8 paper is passed before him. The big jerk vehemently refuses to sign and tears it up, thus unraveling the entire escapade! Klinger takes back his hair dryer, Murphy snubs Radar who takes back the cake thus ending the party, thus making Hot Lips go through with her report about Henry who then revokes Futterman's pass who then refuses to do Zale's bridgework who refuses to expedite Hawkeye's boots. What a bunch of A-holes. Hawkeye didn't even get points for trying! Oh well, at least until the new boots arrive, he can wear a golf bag. Fore!
This episode is one of my favorites. It's funny, it's intriguing, and I genuinely feel Hawkeye deserved new boots for everything he and Trapper went through. It shows how selfish everybody was, wanting something for something. I wonder if Father Mulcahy had been in this episode, could he have balanced everything out? This was the first of several appearances of Zelmo Zale, a surly, unlikeable supply sergeant who will get into many fights with Klinger. So anyway, if you like the show, you like Hawkeye, or even if you don't like him, this is still a great episode to check out. Had this one been made in Season 9, he would've gotten the boots, no problem. Everybody was friends by that point.
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