Quotes
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Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Colonel?
Col. Potter : Radar, no interoffice running.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Yes, sir.
Col. Potter : Good news. The Chinese have agreed to a prisoner exchange.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Terrific. Sir, we got big problems.
Col. Potter : Hawkeye locked Burns in the nurses' latrine?
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : No, sir, that was last Friday.
Col. Potter : Time flies.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Yes. It's Klinger.
Col. Potter : Rats in his blue wig?
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : No, sir. He's outside having a picnic.
Col. Potter : Annoying, but tolerable.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : He's eating a jeep.
Col. Potter : [pause] I beg your pardon?
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : He's eating a jeep.
Col. Potter : Which one?
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : The one with the squeaky seats.
Col. Potter : Finally came up with something fresh. How do you see through those filthy glasses?
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : I know where everything is.
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Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Colonel, he's crazy.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : See? I got a witness! You gotta give me a Section 8 and send me home.
Col. Potter : No dice.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : If you don't throw me out for being a nut, you're nuttier than I am!
[Potter gives him a stern look]
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Sir.
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Col. Potter : A for effort, Klinger, but it won't work.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Watch this.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : [Klinger swallows a bolt from the jeep, gulping] Oh, wow! Right down.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Dip it in a little 30-weight motor oil, pop it in, and let it slide down the gullet like a blue point oyster.
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Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : [Klinger is eating a jeep] Gee, Colonel, you think he's gonna be all right?
Col. Potter : Oh, he'll be fine. We may have to slap him on the rack and give him a lube job.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : But he was eating nuts!
Col. Potter : Squirrels do it all the time.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Won't that hurt him, all that oil and metal?
Col. Potter : He may slide out of bed tonight and end up pointing at the North Pole.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : You mean like a magnet?
Col. Potter : If he gets real bad, we'll stick him to the side of a boxcar and send him down to Seoul. Oh, you better tell the boys playing horseshoes to hold up when Klinger walks by.
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Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Did Moses speak Yiddish?
B.J. : Only when playing pinochle.
