- Ship's Purser 'Gopher' Smith: Remind me to make an appointment with the barber.
- Cruise Director Julie McCoy: Make an appointment with the barber.
- Ship's Purser 'Gopher' Smith: Thank you, I almost forgot to make an appointment with the barber.
- [as Aubrey and Stacy Skogstad board the ship, Julie and Gopher come out to greet them]
- Cruise Director Julie McCoy: Good morning!
- [Gopher reaches out to help them, but Stacy refuses]
- Stacy Skogstad, Captain's Ex-Wife: I can walk, Dumbo.
- Ronald Baker: [as a guest, Ronald has to go ashore] The boat will be leaving in a minute.
- Ginny O'Brien: It only takes a minute to say, "I do."
- Ronald Baker: And it only takes a second to say, "I don't."
- Ginny O'Brien: [to Ronald] Do you know what your problem is? You're immature and irresponsible.
- Ronald Baker: [laughs] Immature and irresponsible? Me, who his own exterminating company, and I am listed in the Yellow Pages!
- Ginny O'Brien: Goodbye, Ronald.
- Ronald Baker: But I don't understand.
- Ginny O'Brien: Then let me put it in words you will understand: BUG OFF!
- [grabs him and throws him out of her cabin]
- Ship's Purser 'Gopher' Smith: Is it my imagination or is Captain Stubing in a rotten mood?
- Cruise Director Julie McCoy: He's in a rotten mood, but I think I know the reason.
- [they both look at Julie's clipboard]
- Ship's Purser 'Gopher' Smith: Aubrey and Mrs. Skogstad?
- Cruise Director Julie McCoy: Yes, he's one of the directors of the ship's lines. They're sailing with us today.