- Charlie Hume: What's the matter?
- Art Donovan: Aw, I'm still recovering from yesterday. Lou invited me over for a drink and a hernia.
- Roger: I had a friend who... a neighbor, used to beat his wife every Saturday night and... she left him. Well, poor guy just wasted away.
- Billie Newman: [rolls her eyes] From what, lack of exercise?
- Charlie Hume: I hope we're not too late. I forgot my wife was going to a fatfarm this weekend, but I managed to dig up a blind date.
- [Lou laughs]
- Mrs. Pynchon: He got me here by promising me we were going to play miniature golf.
- Alice: I'm not going back with you. I don't like you to hit me.
- Jerry: [scoffs] I was only kidding, I wasn't gonna hit ya...
- Alice: Yeah, yeah you were, Jerry.
- Jerry: Well, you asked for it.
- Alice: No I didn't, I didn't ask for it!
- Jerry: Sure you did, you make me hit you.
- Alice: No I don't, why would I want you to hit me, it hurts! Do you like to be hit?