- Ward Cleaver: Come now Beaver why would they have a man at the athletic field to chase kids away?
- Wally Cleaver: He doesn't explain it, he just tells up to get out of there.
- Ward Cleaver: Well alright then you could have gone over to the park and played mumblety peg.
- Wally Cleaver: Gee Dad they arrest you if they catch you with a knife.
- Fred Rutherford: As Sir Walter Scott says, the best laid plans of mice and men, aft gang agley.
- Ward Cleaver: That was Robert Burns.
- Fred Rutherford: Oh, well, see you in the morning. Are you sure that wasn't Sir Walter Scott?
- Ward Cleaver: Robert Burns.
- Fred Rutherford: Oh, well, if you're sure. I'll have to ask Geraldine about that when I get home.
- [Ward is annoyed that Wally and The Beaver are spending their Saturdays at the movies, instead of outdoors]
- Ward Cleaver: This is the last Saturday we go through this 'movie routine'.
- Wally Cleaver: Well, gee, Dad, what's wrong with goin' to the movies?
- [sounding more angry]
- Ward Cleaver: Wally, do you realize you kids went in that theatre today at noon? It's now twenty minutes after six. You spent over six hours today sitting in that stuffy movie theatre.
- The Beaver: Yeah, they sure give you a lot for your thirty-five cents, don't they!
- [after a very rainy night, Eddie learns that Wally and the Beaver slept outside]
- Eddie Haskell: You mean you guys took the sleeping bags and slept out in a tent last night?
- Wally Cleaver: Yeah. We slept out there most of the night.
- The Beaver: It was real neat.
- Eddie Haskell: Boy, my Pop wouldn't let me sleep out in the rain. He'd'a come out, and dragged me into the house, and made me take a... a hot bath! Didn't your Pop make you come in at all?
- Wally Cleaver: Heck no!
- Eddie Haskell: Boy, I wish I had a father who never cared what I did.