- [first lines]
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: [reading an invitation, while in the kitchen] 'You are invited to a party at school for Penny. Three-thirty, Friday. Cake and ice cream will be served.' Signed - 'Mrs. Henry Woods.' You might as well throw this one away, Mom.
- June Cleaver: Now, why wouldn't he want to go to a party at school for Penny Woods?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, in the first place - 'cause she's a girl. In the second place - 'cause Beaver says she's just about the creepiest girl in the whole school.
- June Cleaver: Oh, I think that's ridiculous. I wanted him to go because I think this is going to be a sweet little affair.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Okay, Mom. But I think it's going to be one of those 'sweet little affairs' Dad's gonna have to beat him into going to.
- Theodore Cleaver: [June hands Beaver an invitation to Penny's going-away party] I'm not goin'.
- June Cleaver: But Beaver, if Penny's mother was nice enough to ask you, you can't be mean enough not to go.
- Theodore Cleaver: Sure I can, Mom. Penny's a zombie.
- Ward Cleaver: Now Beaver, I don't think that's any way to talk about one of your classmates.
- Theodore Cleaver: Gee, Dad, she's really a horrible girl. And on top of that, she's smart!
- June Cleaver: Beaver, that's no way to talk.
- Theodore Cleaver: Boy, Mom, you oughta see her. If her face was on television, parents wouldn't let little kids watch it!
- June Cleaver: Wally, I don't like you using words like 'flip' and 'ape'.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: I'm sorry, Mom. I keep forgetting you're not a kid.
- Theodore Cleaver: Hey, Wally, you don't think she'll blab it all over the place what I said to her?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, sure she's gonna blab it all over. She's a girl, isn't she?
- Whitey Whitney: [Whitey and Beaver are talking about Penny after class] It's too bad she's not your sister.
- Theodore Cleaver: Boy, are you kidding ?
- Whitey Whitney: No. you can't hit a girl, but you can hit your sister all you want.
- June Cleaver: Oh, hello, Whitey, come on in.
- Whitey Whitney: Hi, Mrs. Cleaver. I came over to see Beaver, unless his father is yellin' at him or somethin'.
- June Cleaver: Did you say Penny was moving away?
- Whitey Whitney: Yeah, it's on account of her father's job. My dad says he either got promoted or fired.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Gee, Beaver, did Mom & Dad *both* gang up on you about goin' to Penny's party?
- Theodore Cleaver: Yeah, well, Mom said we had to discuss it on account it was a farewell party, and then she started dragging all that stuff about me being polite and not hurting Penny's feelings, and then Dad started discussing it, and the next thing I knew, they discussed me right into going.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Yeah, I know how it is. When they start dragging manners and politeness into it, you might as well give up!
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: I think you don't want Penny to move away on account of you kinda like her.
- Theodore Cleaver: Do you really?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, sure. I'm no psychiatrist or anything, but I've seen enough of those Cary Grant movies to know how it works. Now, when he starts out yelling at Doris Day, ya always know he's gonna end up hugging her.
- Theodore Cleaver: Boy, Wally. This has really turned into a horrible mess, hasn't it?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Yeah, but if you're gonna start getting mixed up with girls, you better get used to horrible messes.
- Theodore Cleaver: [after Beaver says his goodbyes to Penny] Well, now let's get this junk outta here before somebody comes in here and catches me bein' nice to ya.