- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Boy, Mom, I sure wish I could do that.
- June Cleaver: Do what?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, give somebody the brush off and make it sound like you're doing 'em a favor.
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: I saw her lookin' at you in class.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Was it a love look?
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: Nah. It was kind of a dumb look.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I think that's the same thing.
- Richard Rickover: How come you're playing with me today, Whitey?
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: 'Cause Larry's sick and Beaver had to go someplace.
- Richard Rickover: Well, wouldn't you play with me if Beaver was around?
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: Heck, no.
- Violet Rutherford: [after a picture surfaces of her kissing Beaver at a picnic] Hello, Beaver.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Hello, Violet.
- Violet Rutherford: I've been looking for you all day.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I've got to go home and help my mother.
- Violet Rutherford: I saw our picture on the magazine.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: What about it?
- Violet Rutherford: Well, I want to tell you something.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: You better not, I might punch ya.
- Violet Rutherford: I'll tell you anyway. I only kissed you because my father told me to. I don't like you at all.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [obviously delighted] No foolin'?
- Violet Rutherford: Of course I'm not foolin'. You're like all boys: you're dirty and you're messy and you do mean things.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Gee, I was hopin' you didn't like me, but I was afraid to ask ya.
- Violet Rutherford: No, I really don't like you. I'd rather kiss a dead lizard than kiss you again!
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: That's neat, 'cause you make me feel creepy, too.
- Violet Rutherford: Don't you dare go showing that picture to anybody.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Oh, don't worry. I already burned it up and spit on the ashes.
- Whitey Whitney: [speaking to Beaver] Yeah, I always look in the trash for good stuff. Half the good stuff in my house ends up in the trash.