- Judy Hensler: [she reads the poem she's written on behalf of the class to welcome back Miss Landers after an illness] Welcome back, Miss Landers / We're glad to have you here / While you were sick at home in bed / We all shed many a tear / We hoped you would get better / And we'd see you by and by / And we're all so very, very glad / That you did not die.
- Ward Cleaver: [reading a list of suggested books given to Beaver's class by Miss Landers] "Here Comes Connie", "Hoppy the Kangaroo", "Little Claude", and "Penny Bobbins".
- June Cleaver: Yes, dear. He wants to pick one of those books to read. He wondered if you had any of them in here.
- Ward Cleaver: Well, I hardly think so. "Hoppy the Kangaroo" is just not the kind of book I like to curl up with.
- June Cleaver: "Little Claude", "Penny Bobbins". They sound so cute.
- Ward Cleaver: Cute? What ever happened to all the real "boys' books" I used to read? You know, "Two Years Before the Mast", or "Last of the Mohicans", or "Call of the Wild". Didn't you used to read books like that?
- June Cleaver: I'm afraid not, dear. The strongest thing they ever let me read was "Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall".
- Ward Cleaver: Well, I think I'll see if I can't find him something a little more manly than "Here Comes Connie".
- Ward Cleaver: [encouraging Beaver to read Sir Walter Scott's "Ivanhoe" for his school assignment] There's a lot of excitement in the book, Beaver. You see, these knights fought to defend their code of honor. And they, oh, they rode all over the countryside, avenging wrongs and protecting the weak.
- Wally Cleaver: Yeah. And my history teacher says that in between times they ate like pigs.
- Ward Cleaver: Wally!
- Wally Cleaver: Well, sure they did. They ate on these big wooden tables and they had their dogs runnin' around underneath the tables so they could wipe their hands on 'em.
- Theodore Cleaver: [excited] Boy! Could we get a dog to do somethin' like that, Dad?
- Ward Cleaver: Well, people lived differently then, Beaver. But it was a time of great adventure and excitement. I know you're gonna like Ivanhoe.
- Theodore Cleaver: [looking at the book Ward has given him] Well, I guess so, Dad. But it sure is a lot fatter than "Hoppy the Kangaroo".
- Theodore Cleaver: [after Ward goes downstairs] Hey, Wally, does this guy really kill a lot of guys?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, sure. Then he gets in this big tournament with eight or nine guys and he goes around spearin' them off their horses, like marshmallows.
- Theodore Cleaver: And everybody eats like a pig?
- Wally Cleaver: Sure. They throw food all over the place.
- Theodore Cleaver: Boy, Wally! This sounds like the neatest book I ever read!