- D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: So... some kid takes a potshot at me and all of a sudden I'm supposed to be the department's hard ass.
- Michael Kuzak: Well, I don't think your being singled out, Grace. I think he was doing what cops do.
- D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Since when are you an apologist for the L.A.P.D.?
- Michael Kuzak: Since when do you have three drinks for lunch?
- Ann Kelsey: [while hiking] Stuart, my back is killing me.
- Stuart Markowitz: Are your hip stablizers secure?
- Ann Kelsey: I don't know if they are. I told you it was ridiculous to bring all this junk!
- Stuart Markowitz: Don't start with me, Ann. Don't start with me!
- D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: [drunk] Hey... if you want me to go home. I can go home.
- Michael Kuzak: How are you gonna get there? Crawl?
- Stuart Markowitz: [while cutting into a potato after roasting it over an open fire] Ugh! Ann, the middle is all raw. I knew we should have bought that butane stove.
- Ann Kelsey: [voice-over] Eat some more trail mix.
- Stuart Markowitz: I'm sick of trail mix.
- Ann Kelsey: Well, if you hadn't broken all the eggs when you tumbled over...
- Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, like that was really my fault.
- Ann Kelsey: I don't want to fight anymore. Could you throw some toilet paper over here?
- Stuart Markowitz: Sure. Where'd you pack it?
- Ann Kelsey: I didn't pack it. You did.
- Stuart Markowitz: No, I thought you did.
- Ann Kelsey: Oh, swell! You brought ever damn thing in the world out here except the toilet paper! What am I supposed to do?
- Stuart Markowitz: How about using a leaf?
- Ann Kelsey: A leaf?
- Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. You said you didn't want anything to come between you and nature.
- [a distraught Arnie pulls his car off a road and dials a number on his car phone]
- Roxanne Melman: [voice] Hi, you've reached Roxanne. I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and any brief message at the sound of the beep, I will get back to you. Thank you. Have a great day!
- [the beep is heard]
- Arnie Becker: [into the phone] This is Arnold Becker. I'm calling from Pico Boulevard where I've just pulled over to the curb to wait out the impulse to head due west until I crash through the guardrail of the Pacific Coast Highway to plunge to my death in the ocean below. I hope you're are having a hell of a good time in Hawaii.
- [hangs up]
- Stuart Markowitz: [Continued hiking] Come on, honey.
- Ann Kelsey: Aaah!
- Stuart Markowitz: I'll get him. I'll get him.
- [Stuart strikes the lizard, but suddenly he missed it]
- Stuart Markowitz: All right, the hell with him. Hell with him. I'll let him go. Come on.
- Ann Kelsey: God, I hate lizards.
- Stuart Markowitz: Oh, God. God this pack is unbelievable. Feel like a lama. How you feeling, honey?
- Ann Kelsey: How do you think I'm feeling?
- Stuart Markowitz: Is - is the itching getting any better?
- Ann Kelsey: The itching's worse. The burning is worse. I am in agony, Stuart. Total agony.
- Stuart Markowitz: Just going to be a little bit further. It'll be okay.
- Ann Kelsey: How are we ever going to find a dermatologist in this god-forsaken place?
- Stuart Markowitz: Well, you know, any kind of doctor can treat poison sumac or whatever it was. Did you, uh, remember to bring the leaf specimen?
- Ann Kelsey: I thought you were going to bring it.
- Stuart Markowitz: Well, you know I - he probably doesn't need it anyway. Come on.
- [Continued hiking, but suddenly they found the jeep]
- Ann Kelsey: Oh, Stuart, could you please run and warm it up?
- Stuart Markowitz: Come on.
- [Ignition grinding]
- Stuart Markowitz: Come on, come on. Come on. It won't start.
- Ann Kelsey: Oh, God, Stuart. Stuart, you're got to get me out of here. Please.
- [Ann is in agony of itching]
- Ann Kelsey: I don't care how. Just - Just get to the Ranger's station or something, please. You've got to get me out of this miserable place... before I start to cry.
- [Ann begins to start crying while suffering of itchiness]
- Stuart Markowitz: Ann. Ann, come on, honey.
- [Ann is sobbing]
- Stuart Markowitz: I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to - Just hang in there, honey. I'm going to get us out of here real soon. I promise. I'll be right back. Now, just don't move. I'll be right back!
- [Stuart will get help and turned to Ann]
- Stuart Markowitz: And don't scratch!