- Luanne Platter: Your dog ate all my cruelty-free makeups.
- Peggy Hill: Okay honey, calm down. If she tries it again, you just give her a little tap on the fanny with a rolled-up newspaper.
- Luanne Platter: I spent extra money to buy cruelty-free. I'll do a lot more than tap her.
- Peggy Hill: Only trailer park trash smoke nowadays. Do you want to look like trailer park trash?
- Luanne Platter: That's not fair. I do not smoke!
- [She runs off crying]
- Peggy Hill: [Running after her] Oh, honey, you are not trailer park trash just because you grew up in a trailer and your mama's in prison.
- Luanne Platter: Don't you know that more people die of smoking than die of war in Vietnam every day?
- Hank Hill: For god's sakes Bobby. What nationality are you?
- Bobby Hill: American.
- Hank Hill: Then why are you holding your cigarette like some kind of European Nazi in a movie?
- Bobby Hill: Why does it matter?
- Hank Hill: Now that's not the right sort of attitude for you to have. Whatever you do you should do right, even if it's something wrong.
- Hank Hill: You're callin' me weak? Look at your little birdy arms, they're no thicker than a cigarette! I could smoke them little arms!
- Hank Hill: [Peggy has the last cigarette] Come on, Bobby, you and me can take her. You go high and I'll go low.
- Boomhauer: Y'all listen up, man. This is Boomhauer
- [holds up a clean air filter]
- Boomhauer: . This is your lungs on air.
- [holds up a dirty air filter]
- Boomhauer: This is your lungs on smoke. See the difference, man? It's going to stunt your growth all over, you'll end up lyin' in that dang ol' hospital bed like Morton Downey, Jr., Robert Downey, Jr. even worse, man, yo. Talk about oral gratification all that dang it, is going to give you a low sperm count, man, give ear hair, yo. It just ain't... ain't no good.
- Hank Hill: [irritated with the anti-smoking group leader] I've got the strangest feeling someone's going to kick his ass.
- Luanne Platter: [locks Hank, Peggy, and Bobby in a bedroom after seeing them fight over a cigarette] I'm crating y'all in like an unruly dog, I am sick of dysfunctional families. I came from one and I'm not gonna let it happen to you. Function! Function, damn you!
- Bobby Hill: [to Hank about the anti-smoking group] Come on dad open up
- Cigarenders Leader: Aw is this your son? It's beautiful how you came to support your daddy
- Bobby Hill: I'm a smoker too
- [the group gasps in shock]
- Cigarenders Leader: Oh no, how long have you been addicted to cigarettes?
- Bobby Hill: Since my dad let me smoke a whole carton
- [the crowd angrily talk amongst themselves]
- Hank Hill: Wait a minute I didn't let him, I made him, it was a punishment!
- [the group voices their disgust]
- Bill Dauterive: Can I get a new buddy?
- Cigarenders Leader: [angry] You are sick sir, you shouldn't be allowed to have children!
- Hank Hill: [standing up] Now hold on a minute here, I didn't bring my family here to be yelled at, I don't think I like this club, you all whine too much and the coffee's bad, I'll tell you what you need to do, you need to take a 13th step, down off your high horse!
- Bill Dauterive: [excitedly] Yeah!
- [the group angrily glare at him and he sits down]