- Doug Heffernan: We need something huge, something nice, thoughtful, sensitive, almost gay.
- [turns to Spence]
- Doug Heffernan: What you got?
- Deacon Palmer: How could you possibly think there'd be valet parking at a diner in Ohio?
- Danny Heffernan: I've never been to Ohio, I don't know the local customs.
- Doug Heffernan: So is the TV in the other room or does it pop out of something?
- Rochelle: There's no TV. We believe that TV is the gateway to negative thoughts and sadness.
- Doug Heffernan: Not if you have the football package.