Keeping Up Appearances (TV Series)

The New Vicar (1990)

Patricia Routledge: Hyacinth

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hyacinth : Tell me what's wrong with Daddy.

  Daisy : He's missing.

  Hyacinth : Missing? Of course he's not missing. I suspect he's just mislaid.

• [last lines] 

  Hyacinth : What a disaster to my tea and light refreshments.

  Onslow : I could murder some light refreshments.

  Hyacinth : If it wasn't for Sheridan's good news, I don't know what this day would have been.

  Richard : Good news from Sheridan?

  Hyacinth : He's moved in with a very suitable friend. They're making their own curtains. Apparently his friend's very good with a needle. He has prizes for embroidery. Well, you'd better come in and have some tea and light refreshments.

  [starts off then turns back] 

  Hyacinth : Onslow, before you come in, just shift this wreck next door, will you, dear?

  Onslow : [to Richard]  Prizes for embroidery?

  Richard : Let's move the car, shall we, Onslow?

• Hyacinth : I wish you wouldn't raise your arms like that, Richard. Not when you're overheated. It's very common out of doors.

  Richard Bucket : It's warm work, Hyacinth.

  Hyacinth : If you have to perspire, I wish you'd go into the back garden, so as not to disturb the people who respect us socially.

• Hyacinth : [on the phone]  Rose, you will not commit suicide, I forbid it. No one in this family has ever committed suicide, and I'm sure we're not going to start on the day I'm having the new vicar for tea and light refreshments.

• Hyacinth : Richard! I will not have you waving in dirty gardening gloves.

  Richard Bucket : They get dirty when you're gardening, Hyacinth.

  Hyacinth : Can't you keep one pair for gardening and one pair for waving?

• Hyacinth : [on the phone]  Rose, I know I asked the question, but I'm not standing here surrounded by expensive wallpaper to be given details like that.

• Richard Bucket : This suit?

  Hyacinth : Good grief, Richard, why do you always ask me? I don't determine what people wear.

  Richard Bucket : Do I take it that's a yes?

  Hyacinth : Can't you find a more religious tie?

• [first lines] 

  Hyacinth : [on the telephone]  Hello, is that the Wholesome Bakery? Now tell me, and I shall know if you're lying, are your fresh cream cakes really fresh? No need to take that attitude; this is a serious customer inquiry. My name is Bouquet, B-U-C-K-E-T. No, it's not Bucket, it's Bouquet. I wish to place a large order, a very important order. I have the new vicar calling this afternoon for tea and light refreshments, so how soon can you deliver? Yes, I know it's Saturday, and I'm very happy that you're busy. I can understand that you don't deliver just anywhere, but as I say I do have the new vicar coming for tea and light refreshments, and I want six fresh cream cakes. That is a large order. Hello? Hello?

  [clicks the cradle several times] 

  Hyacinth : Hoi polloi.

• Hyacinth : *Do* sit down, Elizabeth. No, not there, dear, I like to face the window.

• Liz : How is your father?

  Hyacinth : Oh, tragic! A brilliant IQ struggling with senility. Course, we ought to have him here, but he drops food everywhere.

• Hyacinth : [on the phone]  No, you cannot have three of 22 and a portion of 19 with chips. This is not the Chinese take-away. This is a private slimline pearl white telephone with no oriental associations whatsoever!