Keeping Up Appearances (TV Series)

Onslow's Birthday (1991)

Patricia Routledge: Hyacinth

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rose : Hello Hyacinth. You look nice.

  Hyacinth : [stares in horror at the hearse Mr Marinopolis has brought] 

  Rose : He can't help it! His limousine's having a gearbox change!

  [Hyacinth walks into the living room full of guests and laughs in a hysterical and nervous manner] 

  Hyacinth : AH HE HE HE HE HE!

• Hyacinth : [on the telephone]  Violet, I'm sorry, dear, but I haven't time today for all this. I have a very full social calendar. It's Onslow's birthday party tomorrow, and cocktails with a Greek shipping millionaire.

  Hyacinth : No, I know I've never mentioned any Greek millionaire to you, dear, but I'm not the sort of person who brags about her social connections.

• [last lines] 

  Richard : Hyacinth, why does that hearse keep going round and round?

  Hyacinth : I'll tell you later, but this much I'll tell you now: there's a pair of cuff-links that's going back to the jeweller's first thing in the morning. Happy birthday, Onslow.

• Elizabeth : Are there any other Greeks coming?

  Hyacinth : Hmmm? Oh, no, dear. They break plates. He may have a tanker in every port, but I'm not sacrificing my Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.

  [pause] 

  Hyacinth : There aren't that many left.

• [first lines] 

  Hyacinth : Is that the water board?

  Hyacinth : Then I'd like to speak to someone in charge. My name is Bouquet.

  Hyacinth : Yes, I'll spell it. B-U-C-K-E-T.

  Hyacinth : No, it's Bouquet. I want whoever you've got there in a managerial capacity.

  Hyacinth : Well, it could be an emergency; I'm not sure, that's what I want to find out.

  Hyacinth : Yes, I'll wait.

  Hyacinth : Hello! No, it's Bouquet.

  Hyacinth : Nah, I didn't say it was an emergency.

  Hyacinth : Well, how am I supposed to recognize if it's an emergency? That's what I expect you to tell me.

  Hyacinth : What do you mean it's my water?

  Hyacinth : That's the very point. Is it my water? When I turned on my tap this morning it didn't look like my water. It's not as bright and sparkling as I'm accustomed to. It looks to me as if it's been used. Are you changing my supply? Because if you are I shall want a detailed explanation of where it comes from.

  Hyacinth : Ah, please don't take that tone with me. I expect my former water to be restored immediately. A bathroom with gold-plated taps is no place for you to be trying to off-load second-hand water. I must warn you, my husband is a power in local authority, a man at the height of his executive skills, and I shall have no hesita- Hello.

  [hits the switchhook several times] 

  Hyacinth : Hello!

  [bangs the receiver down] 

  Hyacinth : Upstart plumber.

• Richard : How wealthy is Rose's gentleman friend?

  Hyacinth : He's Greek, dear. Marinopolous. You must have heard the name; he's always in the gossip columns or the financial press - oil tankers and things.

  Richard : That was Onassis.

  Hyacinth : Mm? No, there's another one.

  Richard : Mar-in-o-pou-los?

  Hyacinth : Yes, I'm sure it was.