- Elliot DiMauro: [all reading from newspaper] Congressman Michael Tenzer was lost in a tragic duck hunting accident in the treacherous Louisiana swamplands.
- Maya Gallo: What?
- Elliot DiMauro: Tenzer is known on Capitol Hill as "The Crying Congressman" for his tearful speaking style.
- Nina Van Horn: What?
- Maya Gallo: He's known as...
- [Maya grabs paper]
- Maya Gallo: Hey, that's a little rude.
- Maya Gallo: Tenzer's wife of fifteen years, a world reknowned marathon runner, has expressed concern over his well-being.
- Nina Van Horn: [grabs paper] A world reknowned marathon runner? What?
- Elliot DiMauro: [grabs paper] Man buys newspaper with his own money and wants to read it. Whaaat?
- Nina Van Horn: Fine, but spend too much time without a man, and you know what happens?
- Maya Gallo: What?
- Nina Van Horn: I don't know.
- Michael Tenzer: Don't call the hospital!
- Maya Gallo: Give me one good reason.
- Michael Tenzer: Because I'm a U.S. congressman, and I can't be caught in your appartment.
- Maya Gallo: I said a good reason, not a spectacular one.
- Dennis Finch: You're not still mad about paintball, are you?
- Jack Gallo: You shot me three seconds into the war!
- Maya Gallo: Dad, we need to talk about our astrologer.
- Jack Gallo: Madame Delores? What's wrong with her?
- Maya Gallo: I don't think her heart's in it anymore.
- Jack Gallo: [reading] "Pisces: Something bad may or may not happen to you." I'm a Pisces.
- Maya Gallo: Don't I get an invitation? Oh, I see. It's boys only. God forbid, a woman should be tough enough for combat.
- Jack Gallo: Do you want to go?
- Maya Gallo: Sure, I'll go. Unless it rains. Or it's too cold. I don't wanna go.
- Elliot DiMauro: At what time do we have to be there?
- Jack Gallo: Combat begins at 0800 hours, with a cappuccino reception at seven-thirtyish.
- Jack Gallo: We're fighting against Obsession.
- Maya Gallo: Obsession the perfume?
- Jack Gallo: Don't laugh. They're the toughest team on the perfume leagues. Their ambush of Old Spice is legendary.