Just Shoot Me! (TV Series)

The Experiment (1997)

Hamilton von Watts: Derek

Quotes 

• Derek : Where are the menus? I'm hungrier than a triceratops, and they had two stomachs.

  Maya Gallo : Wow. You really know a lot about dinosaurs.

  Derek : Yeah. I learned everything I know about 'em from this *really* intense place mat.

  Maya Gallo : [nodes and smiles]  Hmm...

  Derek : I also know all the state capitals - quiz me.

  Maya Gallo : [laughs]  Oh, I don't know...

  Derek : Come on!

  Maya Gallo : All right; um, Alaska.

  Derek : [enthusiastically]  Pass!

• Maya Gallo : Great. So, I have you two going in for interviews at a telemarketing firm. Do you have your résumés?

  Derek : Here you go.

  [hands Maya a folded piece of paper from his pocket] 

  Derek : I got rid of the modeling stuff like you asked me on the quote-unquote telephone.

  Maya Gallo : [reading]  "Gap Store: Liaison between denim and cash register." And, I see you misspelled "denim," "liaison," and "register."

  Neil : Way to go with "cash," though.

• Maya Gallo : So, do you two have any questions?

  Neil : Uh, yeah: Which one of us is supposed to be the handsome guy?

  Derek : My agent told me that I was.

• Maya Gallo : Derek! Hi!

  Derek : I got the job!

  Maya Gallo : You did?

  Derek : You would have been so impressed: I got through the whole thing without even giggling!

• Maya Gallo : It must be tough being a male model.

  Derek : Yeah. Why's that?

  Maya Gallo : Well, everyone's so quick to judge. I mean, just because you do one thing doesn't mean you can't do something else.

  Derek : I'm going to the bathroom. Time me!

• Maya Gallo : So, what do you want to talk about? Arts? Politics?

  Derek : How about politics?

  Maya Gallo : Yes, politics! I mean, no one would thing you would know about politics. You have ideas, I have ideas, we can have this back-and-forth...

  Derek : [squeezes Maya's nose]  Honk!

  Maya Gallo : I have to break up with you.